How can our love go wrong if we start the new year right?

Don't mind me, just quoting Holiday Inn again.

I love January. SO MUCH! I don't think I always loved it, but maybe I did? Maybe not? Anyway, I love putting Christmas away and making resolutions and I love Theo's birthday! And I love snow! And I love my kids going back to school, and I love cleaning out my house, and did I mention I love making resolutions?

I love a fresh start. I don't actually know what my resolutions are this year--last year I remember I resolved to go outside with my kids every day, and I know that didn't happen, but I'm positive that I increased the number of days I went outside with my kids, and that can only be good.

Now I'm remembering I told Matt that in 2017 I'm going to do MuTu. That's the core strengthening thing I signed up for last summer (for my diastasis recti, aka separated ab muscles that keep me from doing regular big-girl exercise like running and yoga) and never did. It's a 12-week program. I'm doing it. 2017 is my year. I miss running and yoga, a lot.

Second thing I'm doing is reading the Book of Mormon every day. 6 days in and I'm 6 for 6. Boo yah!

Third thing which I announced to my kids is going to be our family goal (I have not run this by Matt but I'm sure he'll be good with it) is that we are going to be more generous. With each other and with everyone. In every way. I have yet to come up with a pithy tag line for it, but I feel good about it.

Happy new year!!!! (Happy new year)(may we all have a vision now and then of a world where every neighbor is a frieeeeend.)

Coldiez

Long ago I picked up the word "coldiez" from my sister-in-law Dawn and her kids. Or maybe it's "coldeez"...or "coldies." I should probably ask Dawn how to spell it. (I'm sure she's written it out so many times... ;) Anyway, it just means "cold." But maybe a little more intense than plain old "cold." It means "Brrrr, it's coldiez out here." Or "Aren't you coldiez?!!" Technically it's pronounced "coe-deez." (A Maryland/Pennsylvania accent, you might say) My kids all say it too.

Anyway, we just got home from an epic 2-week holiday trip to Utah and California, which was super fun and busy. It took me until today, though, January 6, to realize that although I've been telling people about my New Year's resolution, I haven't actually started it yet. Whoopsies! Anyway my main resolution is to be outside every day for 15 minutes or more... with my kids. It doesn't have to be all 4 of my kids, although I'm planning to include my older kids in it whenever possible. And I'm not going to set a stopwatch or anything. Maybe it'll be closer to 10 minutes some days or maybe it'll be an hour or more some days. We're not going to go anywhere special; well I'm sure we will sometimes, but mostly we'll just be wherever we are (usually home). I'm just going to make the effort to go outside and be with them for a little piece of each day. 

I happened upon this idea because I was starting to feel like not a very fun mom. I spend a lot of time telling my kids what to do, driving them places, and sending them outside to play. I don't particularly enjoy toys or kid games. I'm often busy with chores at home and/or assigning or overseeing my kids' chores. Consequently I don't spend time playing with them, and I also don't spend time outside. So I'm trying to combine the two this calendar year and see how it goes. Maybe I'll even enjoy it. (Wink) Maybe the kids will even enjoy it. (Huge exaggerated wink)

I got so excited about this goal that I bought myself some new winter gear earlier in the fall. I got a new coat, snow pants, snow boots. I made sure all the kids' winter gear was updated, including Polly's. I am ready. Of course most of December felt like October, and it hasn't snowed yet. But Christmas is over, we are back in Virginia now, and I think I might put those boots on despite the lack of snow, because... it is coldiez.

Anyway you would think that it would have been easy for me to start this resolution right away since I spent the first week of the new year in California. But every day the kids were having so much fun playing with cousins and I was having so much fun chatting with adults, I plumb forgot. I really did. January first I actually did spend a couple of hours outside with them at Clocker's Corner. Which, in case you're unfamiliar, is an outdoor diner at the Santa Anita race track that overlooks the track. So you can sit and eat pancakes and watch the horses work out in the early morning. And maybe after you're done eating you can run up the bleachers, lean over the very top and scare your mom half to death. My kids love it and when the weather is good, so do I! The weather was good this year. Cool, breezy. Not frigid, as it sometimes is.

(Polly in her new gnome hat from Aunt Bonny)

January second, I also spent lots of time with them outside at my brother Noah's wedding. Score! It was super fun too. The kids put on their dancing shoes and danced their little hearts out. So did I. Matt even danced with me! (!!!)

Lest you worry I'm going to detail every day of this year with hashtags, photos, and a report of what we did outside: never fear. Not going to happen. I didn't complete my goal on any other day yet anyway, besides the first two days. I'm sure I won't take pictures most days, in fact I hope I'll forget my phone inside and just enjoy the moment. I've been doing that more lately, hence the lack of photos of my life. But tomorrow is a new day and I've got my warm warm boots. Look out, 2016!

Take this silver lining, keep it in your own sweet head

One of the reasons I always loved Anne Shirley is that once she had grown up and become a teacher, she still remembered what it had been like to be a child. Young Anne (like so many other of my favorite fictional children, including Ramona Quimby, Caddie Woodlawn and Huckleberry Finn) got so frustrated when adults dismissed or minimized her concerns, and she vowed never to forget that feeling and never to give children that feeling once she had grown up.

This year I want to be like that. With my kids especially, but also with my husband and with everyone I talk to. Have you seen this video, The Power of Empathy? I love it. I've probably watched it 10 times. 

I hadn't really thought about this difference between empathy and sympathy: sympathy can relate to a situation; empathy relates to the feeling. I may be able to put myself in your shoes in a certain way because I've been through a similar problem, but that doesn't necessarily help you if my reaction was different from yours, and it definitely doesn't help if I think you should be feeling a different way, or if I use the words "At least..." True empathy reaches past the facts of a tough situation and into the emotions it is triggering for the person who is currently in the midst of that situation. Whether the listener has had the same experience as the sufferer may not be relevant. What is relevant is whether the listener has had the same emotions and whether he or she can remember those feelings and relate to the sufferer in that way.

Which in turn reminds me of another, sillier video that you have likely watched, It's Not About the Nail.

Anyway, that is my new year's resolution this year: to empathize more. I have a few others too but that's the main one and they all circle around it.

Hopefully you won't judge me too harshly when you need me to be empathetic and I'm failing at it. (If that happens, just remind me and I'll shape up!)

What's yours?


(Bonus:
Silver Lining
and
Silver Lining)

May we all have a vision now and then

Hoping you get my title reference. If not (and even if so), I recommend a liberal dose of Super Trouper, stat.

I can always find a solid take-home message in BYU Mag. This may be mundane but work with me here on the article "The Long View of Leaders" as I apply it to family life. Remember how I've blogged about The Happiness Project like...16 times? I just really like it, OK? Here is a happiness project of sorts. And what a happy coincidence that I am just now, at the new year, finding this quote again, which I copied down a few months ago.

"A second approach to leading an organization begins by the leader establishing a limited number of overarching goals and objectives. These goals serve as the prism through which every problem or challenge is viewed. What drives the decision-making process is the question: In deciding this issue, what path will take us furthest in the direction of achieving our overarching goal? Such decisions constitute a strategy in which the focus of attention is not on solving problems but on achieving a major goal.

"...Goal-oriented leadership causes leaders to view the decisions they make as part of a tapestry they are determinedly weaving. This approach is decidedly proactive rather than reactive.

"...It is a style of leadership that is both patient and determined. The view it seeks is long-term and is animated by specific goals. ...Great leaders have an ability to focus not merely their attention but also the attention of those they lead on a limited number of goals and objectives. They are not diverted by the seemingly urgent.

"That advice is easy to articulate but difficult to follow. ...Great leaders do not allow themselves the luxury of dissipating their time, energy, or capital."

Roger B. Porter

I read the whole article thinking of how I could apply it to myself as a homemaker. I'm excited to set a handful of "Big Goals" to construct a framework around our everyday life. How much better would I feel about my efforts if I knew I were deliberately leading my family (and myself) toward these goals with every move? I like that it doesn't turn into a checklist of New Year's Resolutions that turn into failures if they don't happen. When the goal is long-term and more or less abstract, the steps to get there may be two steps forward here, a step back there, and over and over. 

Maybe if I look at my challenges and chores as steps toward reaching a specific goal instead of as the goals themselves, it will be a little more realistic to remain cheerful under stress; to let go of undone jobs and go to bed early; to focus on a needy child when it's inconvenient for me; to be silly with my kids; to say "yes"; to say "no"; to serve Matt; to forgive and forget; to vacuum; to do the dishes; to wake up early and exercise; to eat less sugar; to do a million more things. Or a million fewer things. 

1 - Peace

2 - Close Relationships 

3 - A Functional Home

4 - A Healthy Body

--all things I want. I have gathered that my life is not going to get easier and I am going to continue to mess up. But maybe I can reach and more or less maintain a handful of big goals, even if it does take the rest of my life. Maybe! I guess I'll work on today for now!

On a related note, several months ago I read the post On Dreams and Being Deliberate at Barefoot in the Kitchen and it stuck with me. I sat down and made my own list of what my "dream life" would look like. I'm happy to say I scan the list now and again and I am working toward that dream life. It seems so obvious but isn't always, that you should think about what you really want to do and then do it. I also made a list of things I love about my house and things that bother me, and worked on fixing the things that bothered me, and I have never loved my house more.

Working on things around the house is a lot easier than working on the things that bother me about myself, but I am working on that too.

Happy New Year

A New Year's thought for you before I post my Resolutions post. Yes, I have one! I just can't find it. I wrote it awhile ago.

Anyway, every new year I think of this quote by the late, great, mysterious* Yeats.

"Life is a journey up a spiral staircase; as we grow older we cover the ground we have covered before, only higher up; as we look down the winding stair below us we measure our progress by the number of places we were but no longer are. The journey is both repetitious and progressive; we go both round and upward." 
William Butler Yeats


*and a little bit nutty

New year, new you

Tiny party hats courtesy of Hannah and Ella. Sisters courtesy of Harry and Barbara.

I was cleaning out my nightstand and found my resolutions from last year. I remember writing them down on a notepad at my parents' kitchen table after Christmas. Here's what I wrote. With 2012 edits in parentheses.

2011

"I can do hard things"

"If you could only sense how important you are to the lives of those you meet; how important you can be to the people you may never even dream of. There is something of yourself that you leave at every meeting with another person." - Fred Rogers (Someone had left a book of quotes from Mr. Rogers on the table where I was writing. It was kind of great.)

Morning routine - wake up when Matt gets up, get ready before kids. Dress them before breakfast, then they can play IF there's time. Leave by 8:40

(I was OK at this...maybe 50-50. Now that Theo is in afternoon preschool I am terrible at it. Who is late to 9:45 joy school? we are.)

Exercise - if I can't hack running outside, get a treadmill. Go to Oak Marr (swim? run? classes?) maybe one night a week? or Sat a.m. or get a babysitter.

(Pretty good at this until Lars was born)

Exercise for kids - indoor games; mall playground; go outside and bundle up; seriously consider moon bounce in the basement

(No moon bounce but I did try to wear the kids out more during the winter. And my mom got me a little backyard sandbox for my birthday which was so awesome this summer and fall and will be again come spring. Not that I consider playing in a sandbox "exercise" but it is one more reason to be outside, and being outside leads to exercise...Also, I know that not very many adult women ask for sandboxes for their birthday. but, some do.)

Diet - get back to menu planning, stick to grocery budget, and DON'T eat junk (except occasionally).

(yes! After Lars was born there were a couple of months where I stopped menu planning but I got back into it. Life is so much better with a weekly menu plan in place before I hit the grocery store.)

$ - don't go shopping; set a monthly allowance

(will I ever be good at this?)

Theo - be patient, don't spank or yell, work on one issue at a time. pray...one-on-one time each day.

(2011 did see improvement. yes!! but a lot of it was due to Theo, not me. he and I still struggle to get along sometimes. But our relationship is so much better than it has been at times in the past.)

Ida - Be matter of fact and don't give in to "mind games."

(also good. Ida is awesome. Mind games, that's something she needs to work on but I think Matt and I are doing OK battling them)

Be Kind.

(always working on this. not always successful)

House - stick to one project per month. E.g.

January - organize storage room

February - paint master bedroom and spruce up bathroom

March - remodel main floor bathroom

April - finish up details on bedrooms and basement (light fixtures!!)

May - lay sod, figure out plants

June - have a baby.

(We did all of these except for the bathroom. and no plants. But Matt laid sod.)

Cleaning - don't stress about this, mainly just make sure I do the dishes and wash the sheets and keep up with laundry. Enlist Matt to help with bathrooms; do floors when needed; keep rooms tidy at end of day.

(I think I've been pretty good at not stressing and letting the cleaning go. A good indicator being that I haven't mopped my living room floor since like... May.)

Spiritual health - we are good at a.m. and p.m. family prayer. Improve FHE. Tell scripture stories and bear testimony. Stay on top of tithing and work on personal prayer.

(We definitely got MUCH better at doing family home evening in 2011! we have it just about every week! hooray! definitely need to improve in the other things though.)

VBAC - try not to stress about this. pray more and stay healthy.

(I think this one worked out well.)

Connections - Deliberately reach out to one friend and one family member per week.

(You might laugh at this one, those of you who are good at reaching out. I am not always so good. But I think I did better in 2011 by trying to be deliberate about it--not every week, but more often than before. I love my family and my friends. that's right, that means YOU!)

I wrote my 2012 resolutions during the plane ride home from California. They are pretty similar to 2011's. My life is not that exciting. But I love it anyway.

I definitely have a lot to work on. But I am feeling good about 2012.

Renewed vigor

I was kind of on a roll for a minute there. With posting I mean.

I am also on a roll with feeling good. About a 3-week roll now. I felt so crappy all through the fall (and wonder if I will ever enjoy fall again...used to be my favorite season and now the thought of it makes me want to barf) that I am so glad to be feeling somewhat normal now. I even made a menu and went grocery shopping today AND have eaten lots of fresh and delicious food since we've been home. Top Ramen, begone and don't let me see your face again, ever.

I have also been on a roll with keeping my house clean. Mainly dishes and laundry are what I have the hardest time with. But I cleaned MY ENTIRE HOUSE on Saturday (minus the office and storage room which are a separate project) and believe me it was a MESS when we got back on Thursday night. (even after Matt cleaned up a lot, which he did.) Anyway so I kept it clean for almost 5 days and now although I am still keeping up on laundry, it is not looking so great anymore especially the kitchen and playroom, and I know I need to avoid the "broken window syndrome" and keep it respectable and that is what I am avoiding doing by writing run-on sentences instead. Because my kids are in quiet time (which I didn't start until 4 p.m. today because I skipped Ida's nap...yikes. I'm sure she is asleep by now) and I have 15 more minutes until that is over. I can do the dishes with my kids underfoot but blogging, not so much.

I made a list of monthly house goals until the baby comes. I also made personal goals like exercise and get my kids exercise and get up early and all of us eat well, but those are less interesting and much harder.

January: Finish basement. This mainly means organize the storage room (which is in bad bad shape) and the office (which is almost as bad). It also means little things like fixing a small line of unraveled carpet, finishing the baseboards and painting the basement stairway which sorely needs it. But the clock is ticking and at this point I will be happy if we just organize the storage room. It's bad. And I just got another installment of baby clothes from my sister Phoebe (see photo with September installment, above) which needs a place to live until #3 comes along. I never have to buy baby or toddler clothes ever again, and you can quote me on that. (I know Matt will) One of the many perks of having older sisters.

February: Paint and organize the top floor, which is the master bedroom and bathroom. I AM SO VERY EXCITED TO GET THIS DONE even though it means painting ceilings.

March: Renovate the main-floor bathroom. This I am also excited about but it will take some cash and elbow grease, also Matt and I don't get along very well when working together on projects of this magnitude, so we'll see where we are in March with $$ and energy

April: Clean the carpets. (hooray) And wash the windows. Outside that is. Oh how they need it. So badly. It has probably been at least 2 years since anyone did this. I was so busy moving in all summer that I neglected big things like this and dirty windows are what I have to show for it.

May: Tear out back deck, tear out plants on side of house, put in sod and grass seed everywhere that's bare. I am all about the low maintenance this year. Maybe get plants for the front garden if I have the $. My MIL put it some very nice annuals last spring as well as a couple of smaller bushes which will crop up again. I decided that as much as I like flowers I think I need something easy. Also with the way the sun hits us, by the end of last summer the north flower bed was about 3 times as tall as the south one. Quite amusing.

June: Have a baby.

Hooray!

OK now I am going to wake up Ida from her mini-nap. Matt will be home late and I hope the kids go to bed OK for me tonight, so that I can watch a movie. I mean start on the storage room. (or do I)

Resolved!

I have been catching up on my blogging a little bit. It appears that some bloggers out there are revolting against New Year's Resolutions. I am not with them. I love New Year's Resolutions! Really! I love a clean slate and I LOVE a good list. Plus, as I said yesterday, I don't get all mopey if I don't actually do them, because most of the time I lose the list and forget what was on it. Also, I like making resolutions for my kids. Ida: sleep through the night! Theo: stop imitating Ida's screams!

So anyway, this year I would like to fit into the jeans I fit into at the beginning of 2008. I would also like to start making my own bread. Today I was feeling ambitious and I put on the jeans that I fit into before my second pregnancy. Score! They zipped all the way up! Check one off the list! I wore them for about 30 minutes before I realized that these jeans are really not quite wearable yet. Do you like how I worded that to make it sound like it's the jeans's fault? Anyway so I caught a glimpse in the mirror and shuddered a little. Then Ida spit up all over my leg and that clinched it. I did not need to be wearing those anymore.

So I'm going to forget about the jeans for a while. Maybe check back with me in June or so, in case I forget completely. Also check with me about the bread, because my wheat grinder is taking up an awful lot of space in the pantry and I haven't even learned how to use it yet.