Thanks for Matt

 I'm not sure how this photo ended up on my computer but I am here for it!

Today on Matt's birthday I am so thankful for the man I married. 22 years later, best decision I ever made. and I'm not afraid to say it's the best decision he ever made too...

Thanks for Matt

I usually write my thankful post about Matt on his birthday, since his birthday is in November, but I’m going to write it today, because I feel like it. Just try to stop me!

Also I’m going to try a photo and see if it works. (Most likely scenario is that it works for a few hours and then disappears but we’ll see)

I was reminiscing to a friend today about how Matt and I met. That was almost exactly 23 years ago. Crazy right? Since I’m only 41. That’s a chunk of my life.

If you didn’t already know… we met at the BYU library, where I worked in college. I specifically worked in the special collections department, and he, as a history major in his final semester as a graduating senior, was working on his capstone paper, which was about the history of Black athletes at BYU. 

And there’s some super interesting history along those lines, which is kept in a vault in the Wilkinson papers in the special collections. And you couldn’t make copies or anything, you had to just take the papers into a reading room and take notes with a pencil, like a caveman. Because there were no smartphones in 2002 or even cameras on cell phones.

Anyway, so I love that about how we met. My friend Alex said once something about the root of our relationship being in social justice research, which is funny and true. 

We had also randomly run into each other several times that semester on and off campus (or was it random… 🤔) before we actually even knew each other’s names. I think we both had at least one class that semester in the old Talmage building, plus we both spent a lot of time in the library, and I also saw him at Macaroni Grill once when I was on a date with someone else. Lol. Good times.

I love him so much. Sure, I smother him a little sometimes when he would prefer to have a little space, and maybe I also ignore him sometimes when he would prefer to have my attention… but I think we mostly have a pretty good balance.

We have a fairly traditional setup where he makes most of the money and I run most of the household. But I also make little bit of money and he does plenty at home. And I’m mostly the go-to for kids stuff and was fortunate to be home with them when they were little, but he is very involved in their lives and does a lot of the thankless stuff there too. 

He can always make me laugh and he can always calm me down.

He can fix pretty much anything.

He knows random facts. Like I’m surprised sometimes, he’ll say something about the most random things and I’m like how in the world did you know that?

He loves sports, especially BYU sports, and I love that about him even though I just don’t get it. 🤷🏼‍♀️ 

He wants our kids to learn to work hard, and he is willing to work with them to show them how it’s done.

He cares about people, remembers details about their lives and their jobs.

He loves me.

I think we have a good thing going.

Geez, I am so thankful for Matt. 

Thanks but no thanks

Well I still have a few Thanksblogging posts to catch up on 😅 I’m just here to complain for a minute. I have Covid. Bah humbug!

I realized that the first time I had Covid, it was the week after Easter (2022), and I was pretty sure I caught it from church. This time, the week after Christmas, I’m also pretty sure I got it from church. Well, that or the airport. Or the airplane. Or any other crowded, coughy sneezy place I’ve been in the last 5 days…

I was so exhausted after we got back from our trip late Saturday night that I pretty much spent Sunday, Monday and Tuesday in bed. Well not ALL day every day but like… all afternoon and evening. I told myself I was catching up after six months of never resting, but it turns out I was percolating Covid.

Anyway, I actually am thankful for kids who are old enough to take care of themselves—and the dog!—and for Matt who has cooked all the meals this week and brought me up delicious leftovers tonight after working all day at his office.

I am especially thankful for Matt because it’s our 20th wedding anniversary today. Whew! Good job us!

I am also thankful for our bedroom, which is nowhere near as cozy as our townhouse bedroom BUT it has the same comfy bed and someday I’ll put away all the boxes and fix it up Cozy 2.0.

And, now back to lying on my comfy bed, staring at the TV in between dozing. I am simultaneously exhausted and bored out of my mind.

Thanks for Matt

Two days late and multiple dollars short: I am so thankful for Matt. Twenty years later, he continues to show me that marrying him was the best decision I ever could have made.

Thanks for my guy

I have a dearth of recent photos of Matt.

This is a three-days-late tribute to the love of my life, whom I am thankful for every day.

He is the rock of our family. He is thoughtful and funny and smart and strong. I loved him 20 years ago, I love him now, I will love him forever.

Thanks for Matt

I’m thankful for my husband on his birthday and every day. He is so good to me and to our kids. He handles our crazy like he was born to do it.

Thanks for Matt

I could not love anyone more than I love this man. He provokes me and he supports me and he teases me and he respects me. He gets me and he sees me. But regardless of all the things he is for me, he’s just a good person. He’s just a fundamentally good person, and he just makes life better every day.

Thanks for Matthew

Missed a day once again. As always I am extra thankful for Matt on his birthday, but I am thankful for him every day. I just think it’s funny that a guy I met when I was 18 years old turned out to be the perfect guy for me. We met 18 years ago, and so now I’ve known him for as long as I haven’t known him. But, not surprisingly, it feels like I’ve known him my whole life. 

I’m thankful for the intimacy and vulnerability and laughs and tears and fights and ideas and prayers and plans and four growing kids that represent our 18 years together. 

I’m thankful that he makes dinner for us every Sunday and is in charge of the house and kids at least once a week when I work. 

I’m thankful that he works constantly, at the office or at home or while we take extended trips to see family, but also does way more as a dad and part-time homemaker than most men I know. 

I’m thankful that he lets me sleep in. 

I’m thankful that he does our taxes. 

I’m thankful for his calm and curious temperament. I’m thankful for his face and his laugh and his super weird jokes. I’m thankful for my whole life which revolves unapologetically around him.

Thanks for Matt.

Well, if you are a regular reader of this blog then you know exactly how I feel about my husband, Matthew.

He is everything to me, and I love him more and more the longer I know him, even when he’s making me crazy, and when we were married 15 years ago, I already thought I loved him more than anyone ever loved anyone, but I had no idea how much my heart could expand and how much my heart could depend on one person. I could never have predicted it, despite all the older wiser married people who told me it would happen. I couldn’t be more pleased about that lovely surprise that snuck up on me over 15 years. Cheers to love and partnership.

Thanks for Matt.

What a guy. Am I right or am I right????

I just really like this picture a lot.

I just really like him a lot.

I’m thankful for this strong and good man every day of my life, and I always will be.

Thanks for Matthew.

In case you had forgotten. I have filled up a good portion of this blog with posts about my husband, Matt. I just don't run out of stuff to say about him. He is the love of my life. He is the most important person in my life and my favorite person that I've ever met. He challenges me every day to be a better person. Not like deliberately, as some sort of project... just by virtue of being him. And he shows incredible love to me and to our kids by his dedication and work ethic and just--solidness.

I remember an email he wrote me back in 2002... Or perhaps 2003... When he said "Maybe you can't be everything to everyone, but you are everything to me." Had I been quoting the band Everclear to him? It's possible. Maybe even probable. Maybe I was thinking that I knew all the right people, I played all the right games, I always tried to be everything to everyone. But my intimate knowledge of '90s grunge-pop is neither here nor there. The point is that I hope I still live up to that for him. He definitely does for me. He is everything to me. I'm so thankful for him every day and especially on his birthday. And I'm sorry for quoting Everclear on a blog post about him but maybe he's not offended because he probably doesn't even know who Everclear was. He missed all the worst of late '90s pop (and by "worst" I also mean "best") while he was out preaching the gospel in Brazil and I was getting my braces tightened and carrying my Discman in my Roxy shoulder bag. Whoops, there I go making it about me again. Can we all just agree that Matt is the man? I lucked out big time.

Thanks for this guy.

Oldie but a goodie! (2005)

Birthday boy and my favorite guy. I am endlessly thankful for Matt. It's a little scary sometimes if I think too hard about how much my life is wrapped up in one person. But it's been that way for almost 14 years now (12 officially) and I've never once looked back. I've never needed to and never wanted to. In times like these, when I'm at a loss for words, the best I can do is let Bey take over.

"In the darkest night hour, I search through the crowd. Your face is all that I see."

If I could wish something for everyone else in the world, it would probably be this: to have someone like Matt to wake up with every morning of their life.

P.S. Dear Matt: sorry I resorted to quoting a Beyonce song. But it had to be done. It was the only way. Happy birthday.

Thanks for my guy.

Well this is just a simple song

To say what you done.

I told you about all those fears,

And away they did run.

You sure must be strong,

And you feel like an ocean

Made warm by the sun.

 When I was just nine years old,

I swear that I dreamt

Your face on a football field

And a kiss that I kept

Under my vest,

Apart from everything but the heart in my chest.

I know that things can really get rough when you go it alone.

Don’t go thinking you gotta be tough, to play like a stone.

Could be there’s nothing else in our lives so critical

As this little home!

 My life in an upturned boat, marooned on a cliff:

You brought me a great big flood,

And you gave me a lift.

Girl, what a gift!

You tell me with your tongue,

And your breath goes in my lungs,

And we float over the rift.

 I know that things can really get rough when you go it alone.

Don’t go thinking you gotta be tough, to play like a stone.

Could be there’s nothing else in our lives so critical

As this little home!

 Well this will be a simple song

 To say what you done.

I told you about all those fears,

 And away they did run.

You sure must be strong,

And you feel like an ocean

Made warm by the sun.

 Remember walking a mile to your house, a glow in the dark?

I made a fumblin’ play for your heart and the act struck a spark.

You wore a charm on the chain that I stole especial for you.

Love’s such a delicate thing that we do, with nothing to prove--

Which I never knew.

Really, really thankful for 12, close to 13 years now with this guy in my life. And it's his birthday today. Happy birthday, Matt!

 

It's the end of a decade

I'm VERY glad to be going through life next to this guy. Isn't it weird how we're just...doing that? Just being married with three kids, in a house paying bills and scraping wads of gum out of couch cushions? Like "poof, here's your life"? That's what it feels like sometimes. In a good way. Thanks, Matt, for the best ten years of my life. Also known as a third of my life. Being that I was a child bride. Also I'm sorry that you didn't know you were in for a ten-year-plus pirate ride. Also I'm glad we memorialized the cake-picture photobomber forever. No idea who that is.

Thanks for Matt.

I love this snapshot from 2005. 2005 was a fun year for us.

Click on the labels "Matt" or "marriage" and you'll see the many times I have gushed about my favorite guy. Today is his birthday, which is why I have waited 21 long days to make him the topic of a thanks post.

Next month Matt and I are celebrating 10 years of marriage. Isn't that wild? (probably not to you old-timers ;) I met him 12 years ago, when I was 18, and that seems like a lifetime ago. Sometimes when I think of random pre-Matt memories I actually automatically imagine him as being there, part of it. Does that make any sense? It seems weird that I had a whole life without him before 2002.

I wrote a post once about Matt called "Declaration of Dependence." (As I found just now when clicking through "Matt" labels.) I am a feminist and think a woman should be able to survive and even thrive without a man. But then again, there is something so freeing about being with someone like Matt. Ultimately, I put him before all other people in my life, which is what I agreed to do when we got married and what I'm happy to do. With someone who was controlling or anxious or lazy or jealous or jerky, that could be a problem. But he is and always has been completely supportive, motivating, engaged, interested, completely laid-back about letting me be me and at the same time encouraging me to improve myself and helping lift me to a higher level. (So I guess maybe he's a feminist too. Maybe you should put that on your resume, Matt.) Marjorie Hinckley once famously said to her husband, "You have always given me wings to fly, and I have loved you for it." That's Matt. We are different from each other in so many ways, but he has never made me feel like less of a person for those differences; always the opposite. And I have to say I feel the same way about him. I couldn't love anyone more.

Nine Years

This song has been in my head all week. Happy anniversary (2 days ago) to my favorite guy.

August

I love August. I even love its name, so much that Matt and I considered it as a name for our baby boy until we realized how many newborn Augusts there are out there lately at least on blogs. When I read for the 5th time "HIS NAME IS AUGUST AND WE CALL HIM GUS!" we ditched it. Still a cute name even if he'd have to be August S. forever. But he's Lars anyway so it doesn't matter. Larsy parsy pudding and pie.

Anyway back to August the month: I love summer but I also love the transition into fall. I love that this fall I have NO MORNING SICKNESS. (last fall I thought I could never enjoy fall again. I still haven't eaten anything pumpkin flavored since last October.) I love looking forward to school starting. I love back-to-school shopping. I love picking peaches and blackberries. I even love finally putting BYU's football schedule in my calendar, because Matt loves BYU football so much. I love that 8 years ago this month, Matt and I got engaged. After a BYU football game actually, I think! Well, technically the day after. I love being married to Matt and could never imagine or want any other life. Being married is great even if it does mean sharing a bathroom with a boy.

Happy August.

I was looking for this below image of Matt and me, but can't find the file, so here is a video I made a few years ago. Or just look at the thumbnail. This is Bear Lake 2003, around the time we got engaged. Good times.

True love waits

I love this picture by the lovely Kelly Ry because the back tire on this bike is completely flat. It was very funny and the bike was impossible to ride.

I had a funny random memory yesterday. I remembered my Science Fiction & Film class at BYU which I took during spring term while Matt and I were dating. We had recently gotten back together (the day after Valentine's Day actually--anniversary! just occurred to me. Nice) after about a 6-week breakup which I had been sure was "the last breakup." Of course as it turned out it was in fact "the last breakup" but in a much happier way than I had thought at the time that I was playing "Do What You Have to Do" by Sarah McLachlan on repeat and crying in the dark in my room while eating Cheetos.

So anyway after The Big and Final Reunion I decided to stay in Provo for the spring. Matt (who was living 40 miles away in Salt Lake) and I saw each other a few times a week and every weekend, staying out late every night we were together, and I showed up cheerfully late to class and to work every day.

One day I showed up to my 9:00 class at my usual 9:30ish time. It was in a tiny bomb shelter-like classroom in the basement of the JKHB, which is no more, at least not in the claustrophobic form I knew it. Anyway, I showed up and as I walked down the aisle to my seat, my professor picked up a bouquet of flowers and without skipping a beat in his lecture walked toward me, meeting me in the middle of the aisle and handing me the flowers with a big smile on his face. I guess you had to be there but this professor was hilarious and I loved him (Dr. Cutchins; if you recognize the name "JKHB" you may have had a class from him) and in my confusion I wondered if he was congratulating me for having set a record of number of times in a row being abysmally late to class.

Anyway that is a long and boring story but it was funny at the time and I am smiling at the memory. The flowers were from Matt and he had put them in the classroom before the class started. He had also left flowers on my doorstep which I had found as I left for class, and then once I arrived at work after class was over I found a flower and a Snickers bar at my work desk.

I hadn't thought about that memory in a long time. That was probably May or June or so, and before the year was up we were married. Now wrapping up our first decade together and working on 2 1/2 kids I wouldn't say it's the same as our "good old days" of going out to eat twice a week, swimming in the refreshingly cold Colony pool (or in the warm cloudy Elms pool--sick), sneaking into movie theaters with a half gallon of ice cream hidden in Matt's red sweatshirt, and finding flowers in front of me three times in the same day. But waking up and going to sleep every morning and every night next to the person I love best of all, is pretty much all I could legitimately ask for for the rest of my life.

(sad song if you listen to the lyrics. But it's Radiohead--they're all sad.)

I just wanted you, I just wanted you.

I doubt I'll get a chance to post on the 27th whilst we are abroad in the land of Utah. So I am going to post a week early and say:

Happy anniversary.

To Matt, and myself.

I wish I had an awesome wedding picture to post, I do have several but don't know how to access my hard drive at the moment. And the thought of figuring out how to scan one in to my laptop is making me want to lie down and take a nap. (a desire easily triggered.) So basically just imagine me blonder and Matt with bigger glasses. Also no babies. Unless you consider us at 20 and 26 to be babies which you might.

I remember 7 years ago right about now was kind of a stressful time. In a silly way. I don't know any brides who weren't a tiny bit stressed right before their wedding. Luckily (?) I was only stressed about stupid things, not about the actual marriage.

Seven years later I still stress pretty much only about the dumb things. For example, Christmas time, I know intellectually that I should be focusing on family and friends and giving and helping and love and Jesus Christ, and while I have that always in the back of my head I still get anxious about things like what gift to get for so-and-so, why are the dishes piling up so fast, and will the basement be ready for the Christmas party. Christmas party - check! a resounding success! certainly not because of the basement but because of our fun guests. (duh) Presents...still working on those...Dishes...also still working on those.

I guess it's better than stressing about lots of big things. For some reason I never get too stressed about the biggest things even when I should. But I should probably work on eliminating the stress about the stupid things, and imagined/nonexistent things. Matt helps me keep that anxiety at bay and that is one of about 52,696,437 reasons that I have never once been stressed about being married to him.

I am fascinated by Zen Buddhism and have always wanted to learn more about it. Not to replace my religion or my own practice of prayer or anything, but just another tool to help pare down the clutter in my mind. Sometimes I try to sit down in the quiet and tell my brain to let it all go...with the goal of thinking about absolutely nothing and just letting myself exist. I have not achieved this yet (although practicing it does help me fall asleep) but think maybe eventually I could. Maybe then when I came to, I could filter out all the junk and enjoy my blessings unfettered for a few moments.

Maybe you are better than I am at enjoying the Christmas season. If you are not--snap out of it already! It's the most wonderful time of the year. OK now I'm going to go clean up the kitchen.

I'd be crazy not to follow, follow where you lead.

Today is Matt's birthday...! So, once again it's time for me to reminisce on the past decade or so (ahhhhhh the good old days of yore, so long ago) and talk about how lovely he is. I know some unsentimental people find it cheesy and embarrassing to talk about how great your husband is on your blog, but I'm not going to stop now. It's not my fault he's great. It is my fault, however, that I am writing this post while sleep-deprived, so I hope you can follow my train of thought.

Matt and I met when I was 18 years old. Sometimes it seems implausible that he, a wise and worldly man of 24, would have stuck around after having known me then. Matt and I have always been opposites in some things like fundamental temperament: Uni-Mood marries Silly/Exuberant/Sullen/Delighted Rollercoaster. We also disagree on politics. Most of the time I enjoy having opposing views--and sneakily trying to keep him from voting--because it can be fun, even when I think we'll both go insane if we discuss constitutional rights One More Time. But still I think we learn from each other. Somehow, the only person who can make me quite so crazy is simultaneously the singular rock of my life.

A lot of songs remind me of Matt but I am thinking of two at the moment: "Weird Fishes/Arpeggi" by Radiohead and "Family Tree" by Ben Kweller. Well, I really only identify with the first half of "Weird Fishes" before he starts talking about weird fishes, but that is neither here nor there. It's OK if you think I'm weird for quoting such a psychedelic song, by the way. Also, by quoting these lyrics I am not trying to say that somehow Matt has the magical power to change my mind about my opinions or beliefs...only that he, just being who he is, has always had the power to make me stick around too.

"In the deepest ocean, in the bottom of the sea,

your eyes...they turn me.

Why should I stay here? Why should I stay?

I'd be crazy not to follow, follow where you lead.

Your eyes...they turn me."

"Who am I to preach a word or two

when I can't lift my own head without you?...

A broken branch I'd be if you weren't grown to me.

Oh, you are my family tree.

Be good to me. Take care of me*."**

*He is and he does.

**Side note, our kids are obsessed with this song. They love all "bop-bop songs" as they call them (other "bop-bop songs" include "Falling" by BK and "Sound of Settling" by Death Cab for Cutie).

Happy birthday to my favorite person ever: thanks for being here. And, I'm sorry that I used to call you Matty Bumppo just to make you mad. (Or am I?)