To the left, to the right

I feel that it is important for each generation to pass its knowledge down to the next, and it’s easiest to do in a natural and low-pressure setting. And that is why today in the car on the way to piano lessons, I taught my children the names and ages of the Hanson brothers at the time of MMMBop, and then later during Family Home Evening I taught them how to dance the Tootsee Roll. Not just the basic move mind you but they also learned to slide and dip. Just don’t pay too close attention to the lyrics.

Seventh heaven

Every age she turns, I keep thinking it’s the best one. Seven. Seven is the best one.

Some Polly quotes:

(After sitting through extra innings in a very long Nats game)

I don’t even understand the game, I don’t even know what pitches is, I thought they were saying the B-word…

I thought they were called “characters.” (baseball players)

(A house in California)

A old granny probably lives there, cause old grannies have roofs like that. And fancy cars.

(When she was sick and had to miss a friend's birthday party)

I have been waiting this long… FOR NOTHING!

Mom, do poisonous strawberries taste like regular strawberries?

Mom, I don’t think it’s a good idea to dance while you’re holding a knife.

I’m going to eat some of my own skin because I want to know what it tastes like. 🤢 

For the books

Some more Polly quotes for the archive.

“Eating a whole cake doesn’t make everyone sick. My teacher ate one and she feels fine.”

“Our substitute today was a teenager. Well, she looked like a teenager and talked like a teenager.”

“I fell into the creek. [pause] …Well, I was just gently pushing on the ice and it cracked and I fell into the creek.”

“Lars, I think you’re going to be a robber when you grow up, because you’re SO annoying.”

“Mom, this is something that hasn’t happened in a while: my-glasses-losing.”

“Mom, I was looking at the pictures on my bulletin board and it kind of gave me tears because it was a long time ago and it was really fun.”

Bonus quote overheard from Ida:

“Polly, do you know what ‘donating your body to science’ means?” 🤔 

Thanks for Duolingo

I would be remiss if I didn’t give thanks for Duolingo. I’m on a 90-day streak, after all! Now, in French I can comfortably ask where the bathrooms are, tell people where I’m from, request a bottle of water… pretty much everything I need.

And now a word from my favorite first-grader

It’s been a minute since I shared Polly quotes. Today was her first day of first grade, and she burst in to my room after she got home, yelling “MOM! I LOVED IT!”

Here’s the archive from the past couple of months.

***

Mom, are you secretly pregnant?

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Polly: Do you drool when you sleep?

Me: Sometimes.

Polly: I drool every time.

***

Most rock stars have like stripes of white hair. Or they have white hair and it’s really spiky.

***

I don’t need hand sanitizer because I already touched a bunch of Dad’s back.

***

My tongue feels spicy because Lars gave me a Life Saver. I’m worried I might have tetanus or something.

***

Me: There’s a fly in the car. Some kind of New Mexican fly.

Polly: No, that kind of fly is in America too. I saw it.

***

There’s lots of people going on trips these days!

***

It was like, folding out the hurt

***

Mom, was there anyone in secret that was born before Theo?

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(About to say her bedtime prayer)

(Deep breath)(dissolves into giggles)

I’m just used to saying knock-knock jokes!

***

Hey mom do you want me to say four things that start with B?

***

Bonus, from Theo on our road trip:

Me: “ok guys we’re listening to Beyoncé because she’s from Texas”

Theo: “and because she’s our queen”

Coming right up

This ad just really got under my skin in a bad way. Why would I want a hot raw steak?? Or hot blueberries for that matter.

Flowchart

Matt sent this to me the other day and I haven’t stopped thinking about it... except; replace “time” with “bandwidth.” I probably have time for everything I want to do. My brain just doesn’t have the capacity for everything I want to do.

The shows must go on

In high school I used to watch two soap operas, Days of Our Lives and Passions. I can’t even begin to tell you how epically bad Passions was in particular. But it was oddly satisfying to spend my teenage time incredulously watching these ridiculous stories unfold. If I’m remembering right, I think Days was on at 1 and Passions at 2. My senior year I didn’t have a seventh period class, so I often got home in time to catch Passions. Or sometimes I’d tape it. Yep, on a VCR. And then purposely watch it later with friends in my free time.

Pandemic time has been ripe for soap operas. A few of note have been Crash Landing On You (opening the world of K-dramas to me), Nashville (a rewatch), and Outlander (falls maybe a bit more on the historical drama side, but still very soapy. Must watch edited). This week I binged Virgin River, which was 10x more egregious than anything else I’ve watched this year, but no magic talking puppets or witches, so, more in Days territory than Passions territory.

Anyway, I have a running bit whenever Matt walks in while I’m watching a soap opera, which is to explain to him exactly what’s happening on screen in that moment in as much detail as possible. Literally every time he’s walked in this past week during Virgin River there’s been an entirely different story with different characters. This game is extremely amusing for me but Matt informed me tonight that it’s not as funny for him. Well just because he couldn’t care less that Charmaine is having Jack’s twins (twins!!), Muriel is putting the moves on Doc by taking him for salsa lessons, Brady pretended to kill Spencer but actually put him on a bus to LA with Maxine and the baby, Lily had a secret pregnancy and then left her baby on the doorstep of the health clinic, Lyddie isn’t managing her diabetes properly, Hope had a heart attack, Mike is about to bust the fentanyl ring wide open, Mel cauterized Calvin’s gunshot wound using only an extremely hot pocket knife, OR that Paige accidentally killed Wes who is a dirty cop, Preacher got rid of the body and then Wes’s identical twin brother Vince who is also a dirty cop, showed up looking for him (surprise!), doesn’t mean I’ll stop.

Thanks for my “64-Oz Tanker”

If you’ve been on a video call with me you might know about my giant “lemonade” water bottle. This was one of my first pandemic purchases. (See how short my hair was back in March?!) Probably my cheapest. Certainly my most used. This guy helps me get enough water every day. Fill it up in the morning, try to drain it by evening. It’s certainly not understated but it certainly is cheerful. And it never fails to be a conversation piece in a Zoom meeting.

Thanks for masks

I am so thankful for masks! They are only a little bit annoying to wear and completely worth the trouble in order to have some semblance of normalcy—going to the store, picking up food, seeing friends (outside, from a distance!). And in many places (that are not Virginia), kids can even be in school because of masks! Bonus that now it’s getting cold and masks are multifunctional as another layer against the chilly December air.

Where we live, masking is not much of an issue. There was a statewide mandate starting back in the spring, and people just got used to it. Does everyone seem to know how to use the mask properly? That is a resounding no; although most people I see are wearing it properly, there are always exceptions. 

Today at Target, for example, I witnessed a man pull his mask down around his chin and put a fist up near his mouth in that “faux-covering my cough” way; you might even call it a “charades cough” (why do people still think that does anything to block a cough? All it does is provide an excellent fake microphone for fake karaoke). He proceeded to sneeze into his fist and then replace the mask. What did he touch after that with his sneeze-fist? I don’t know because I steered clear. I was a full aisle away the whole time. Don’t tell Matt about this or he might not let me go to Target anymore. Anyway despite the occasional mask misadventures, I am very thankful for masks.

Good times, great food poisoning

I haven’t told this story on the blog yet. Settle in, it’s a good one.

One Saturday night a few weeks ago, I went into the kitchen to get some leftovers for dinner. Found a Tupperware full of pasta and veggies. Transferred to a plate, heated it in the microwave. Took a bite, immediately rushed to the sink to spit it out and scrub out my mouth. It was the foulest, most horrible thing I had ever tasted. It tasted like I imagine toilet cleaner tastes like.

I asked Matt about it. He said Lars had mentioned to him that found he had found a Tupperware of food in his bed. 

I asked Lars about it. He had no idea. Then Theo told me, “I’m sorry—I brought that Tupperware on our hike on Friday and I left it in my backpack. I guess it ended up on Lars’s bed somehow.”

So I bawled them both out and then said “if you ever find a Tupperware of food outside of the kitchen, bring it to an adult!”

And the punch line from Lars: “I brought it to dad and he said to put it in the fridge.” 

😑

So I asked Matt and he said “he’s right, I actually did tell him that. Sorry, i wasn’t thinking.” 😂😂

Ahhhh, good times.

Beets on earth, goodwill to men

Are you dying to know what my goal for the week is??

Well. I started off the week thinking I need to increase my vegetable intake, which is true. I googled “brain fog” (because I’ve been having it) and google told me to eat more vegetables. So, I thought I’d aim to get the recommended number of servings per day.

The fact that I do not know what the recommended number of servings per day is, might give you a hint as to how that is working out.

BUT, I have definitely been more conscious about eating some sort of vegetables each day... in some sort of quantity. I’ve been deliberate about fruit too. Any improvement is an improvement; right?

Brain fog may or may not be improving. Not sure. Still too foggy to tell. But I have eaten an apple a day and that should, theoretically, keep the doctor away. I have also been waking up earlier, and going for long walks every day, and I am super happy about both of those things.

I ALSO cooked beets today. My neighbor Mike came home from his friend’s farm with approximately 1,000,000 beets, and convinced me to try them. He was like, “Eliza, all we are saying, is give beets a chance” and I was all, “everybody’s talkin’ bout, revolution, evolution” (not really; unfortunately there was no John Lennon-themed exchange.) Upon his instructions, I steamed them, and peeled them, and diced them, and roasted them with oil, garlic and salt.

And then I ate them in a salad so that I could say that I tried them. And I knew in that moment that I would be fine never eating beets again.

There was this one time... we stayed up way past midnight...

Shhh... don’t tell my husband that I’m blogging at 3 AM.

He and I were both awake until almost 2 AM, intently discussing the iconic double-double-albums Use Your Illusion I and Use Your Illusion II, and the infamous feud between Axl Rose and Kurt Cobain which I did not previously know about because I was 8 years old at the time of this feud and still mainly listening to Raffi. 

But anyway we were deep in this discussion and then all of a sudden Matt started snoring. Then, I continued the discussion, but with myself. Then, all of a sudden an hour had passed and I remembered I hadn’t written any blog posts in a few days. And then I decided to write one. At 3 AM. Hashtag pandemic life. Hashtag, let me out of this looney bin.

My new look

A few weeks ago I disguised myself as an adolescent boy at a scavenger hunt in the mall for a youth church activity. I enjoyed myself way more than I probably should have. When I was in eighth grade, I had a pixie haircut and everyone mixed me up with Daryl Smith, a boy in my class. This feels like full circle.

You've got me feelin' emojis

This summer I got a new phone and I decided to keep my old one (a stripped-down version with basically nothing but iMessage, FaceTime and the weather app) for the kids to use occasionally at home. Not surprisingly, they took right to it.

Late-night floors

I've made the mistake of staying up past midnight every night this week. Matt and I got sucked into Stranger Things on Netflix (so good, so creepy, I highly recommend). Of course then every day this week, I've been exhausted from my 6 hours of sleep (I need 8) and have taken a nap. Anyway, we finished Stranger Things last night, so no need to stay up past midnight tonight, but I still took a nap today, and we have a budding ant problem, thanks to this cute baby I have, who drops food everywhere including down the vents. 

SO, I stayed up late washing and waxing my kitchen floor with Veronica Mars reruns playing in the background. A good waxed kitchen floor is one of those things that no one, and I do mean no one, in this house appreciates besides me. And it's a bit of a pain. So I don't do it as often as I wish I did. But when I do, I glory in it. Look how shiny!

I don't make monkeys; I just train 'em!

32 days left of summer vacation! What. Is it weird that I have a paper chain up already?

I still love summer but it is getting to that point now where it miiiiight be almost time for a change.

My kids are just so wild. WILD! It's like we turned this invisible corner and they all turned into chimpanzees. Matt came home from work yesterday and the house was in shambles and he was like "Er...hey guys, what'd you do today?" Hello, it's summer and we have four chimpanzees. All with minds of their own. Usually we leave the house but we've left the house multiple times every day this week doing way too much stuff...

Diapered but otherwise neglected baby, scavenging for pizza

Exhibit A: Monday: out with asphalt contractor while our sidewalk was being replaced; waterpark; helped a YW

Exhibit B: Tuesday: I worked; then got a much needed new phone; went to another waterpark

Exhibit C: Wednesday: Lars went to a summer preschool thing; another waterpark; piano lessons; a few emergency groceries because somehow I never remember to buy enough milk or bread; Mutual (ugh, I feel like hyperventilating just looking at that list)

Exhibit D: Thursday: Cannot go on

Upside down pic of what I recently found shoved behind Theo's dresser. Every mysteriously missing IEP and report card from third grade...

...and so on this the fourth day I just needed to lie flat on my back and drink water to recover from the previous 3 days. So I did that, and while I did that, the chimpanzees tore the house apart. #worthit

So, Waterpark Week was put on hold for a day and I'm so very glad. Because after spending the morning flat on my back drinking water, I worked yesterday afternoon/evening and went to the grocery store...

(Where they are selling products such as this: sugar cereal shaped like tiny pieces of toast)

...and I feel that if I had done those two things AND a waterpark then I might have turned into a chimpanzee also, and then what the heck would Matt do with no one to talk to at all and five animals to take care of by himself.

Today we're going to attempt a waterpark again. Wish me luck! As I typed that last sentence I looked up to see two of the chimpanzees completely naked in the kitchen... unloading the dishwasher. #? #winning 

"I don't make monkeys, I just train 'em!" 

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=LiFoalqLDvE

Sweet dreams... (and I'll be watching you)

I don't always check on my kids before I go to sleep...

But when I do, I take pictures of them!

No, no, I don't. Not usually. But I do check on them. Like 95% of nights. And I'll never stop. 

Not even when I'm a creepy old grandma who drives across town in the middle of the night with a ladder in the back of her truck.

April foolsies

A couple of weeks ago, the power went out in the early morning. We found out through the grapevine that it was a transformer that blew at my kids' school, which is across the street from our house. School ended up being canceled.

The best part of this, by the way, is that the principal didn't send out any info about it for awhile because they didn't know when the power would go back online... So rumors (propagated by those of us who live near the school) were flying among the informal network of emailing moms. It happened to be April Fool's Day and one of my friends heard the rumor but put her kids on the bus anyway, thinking it was an elaborate April Fool's joke. I got a kick out of that.

Within a few hours they had officially canceled school and sent home all the remaining kids whose parents were able (and willing ;) to pick them up.

After I sent a few headlamp selfies to Matt (very much to his chagrin... he's not a fan of selfies... I don't understand why not)

Our power came back on. (The school's did not.) I let the kids play video games while Polly napped. AND THEN...

We took advantage of the most beeee-utiful day by spending the afternoon at Burke Lake.

One-half of an actual second after I took this picture, all three kids fell off that log into the water. Glad I didn't let Polly in that shot.

Theo was a handful all day. He gets that way when his routine is messed up. Bleeeeeeeea!!! Sure love him though.

Get a load of this weather report. Way to conform to stereotypes, April!

Breakfast of champions

I've had some sponsor inquiries already for my new food blog.