You keep using that word

Image by Micah Player

Today I have been thinking about two of my most memorable college classes: Communications Theory and History of Civilizations.

Comms theory was particularly memorable because I had to retake it after getting a D the first time (my freshman year was rough, OK! I had to retake a few classes...). 

I specifically remember learning about semiotics, or the study of signs/symbols and their interpretations. An American flag, a Star of David, a traffic light, a dove, a thermometer... etc. etc., they are at once an image and a multilayered statement. Anyway. That class was also when I learned the word "paradigm." 

(I remember asking the TA, "You keep using that word... what in the world does it mean??")

History of Civ was a two-parter, and I really loved part two (1500-present), where the professor used various novels, films, and nonfiction books as our texts. One of the texts was the book Imagined Communities, a book by Benedict Anderson that explores nationalism as a... you guessed it... community that exists in our imagination, a social construct.

I saw the above image today posted by one of my favorite illustrators, Micah Player, and immediately my thoughts turned back to those two classes. Ever since I was very young, and certainly when I was my most fresh-faced and optimistic as a college-age kid, the Statue of Liberty has communicated layers of meaning to me about justice, bravery, opportunity, First Amendment freedoms... maybe even our friends the French. ;) And another layer I learned about in college: Emma Lazarus’s poem that’s engraved inside the statue’s pedestal, “The New Colossus.” 

Ultimately all of those concepts together form a three-dimensional image that, perhaps next to the American flag and maybe fireworks (runner up: bald eagle), is the most iconic, most recognizable symbol of modern democracy modern democratic constitutional republic that I can think of. 

It hadn't particularly occurred to me that it might mean something else to other Americans, something more exclusive, something more narrow... like, concentrated presidential power or white Christian nationalism or isolationism or the prosperity gospel or “curated” opinion sections in a national newspaper. 

But “America” can mean whatever anyone wants it to mean. 

I just really don't think it means what those people think it means.

You know what’s weird

You know what’s weird, is visiting LA and then trying to get out quickly before the biggest snowstorm of the decade hits DC and THEN before any of the DC snow has even thought about melting, the biggest fire of the decade hits LA.

I spent most of today glued to my phone texting with family, tracking their evacuations, and reading the news updates of the fires, while also supervising Polly sledding. Most of the texting had to happen with voice to text because it was too cold to take my mittens off.

Life is wild. My family is OK. ❤️  LA is not. 💔

Thanks for the memories

I had this random memory when I poured myself a bowl of cereal today…

When I was 19, I studied abroad in Vienna, Austria: a foundational experience for me. Everything about that experience, even the most difficult stuff, has taken on a sparkly sheen in my memory, and it’s all happy.

One difficult thing about my time in Vienna was that I didn’t have a lot of spending money, and I also didn’t have much of a food budget. The woman who hosted me in her home for the semester was obligated to provide me and my roommates daily breakfast and one dinner a week, and she did not offer beyond that. So I tried my best to stuff myself at breakfast so that I could last until dinner. 

Every single day, breakfast consisted of cornflakes and whole milk, a variety of breads and rolls, spreadable cheese, and jam. I used to eat as many bowls of cornflakes as I could stand, and then fold up the rolls and cheese and jam packets into napkins and stuff them in my backpack for lunch. (Random aside: sometimes I would buy a bell pepper at the market and make a bell pepper and cream cheese sandwich for my lunch. I did that a lot.)

Up until that point I had never regularly drunk whole milk; I grew up drinking 2%, and got in the habit of drinking skim in college. I still don’t drink whole milk that often; Matt always buys it, but I get 2% at normal grocery stores and only buy whole at Costco because Costco whole milk is delicious (I don’t make the rules).

Anyway so that is a long background to tell you that today I ate a bowl of cornflakes with Costco whole milk, and it transported me to 27 Mariahilferstraße in the fall of 2002. Some of my very best memories. Some of my hungriest memories, but man. What a life.

Thanks for the veterans

For the first time since before Covid, I’m taking most of my kids to the Mall today to visit the war memorials for Veterans Day. (Ida and I went just the two of us in 2021.)(she can’t come today, because of school stuff.) last year and the year before, we were in Richmond for marathon/half marathons. 2020, I can’t remember whether I went or not. I wish we could greet an honor flight like we used to, but there weren’t any scheduled for today. :(

I’m looking forward to it. It’s not “fun” but it’s an experience and it helps to really appreciate the day and the history of the holiday, to be there in DC by the Vietnam, Korea, and WWII memorials, among veterans and other patriots, who are remembering those sacrifices and all the mixed feelings that come along.

Thanks for the process

I’m a little anxious waiting for the results of Tuesday’s election… but I think I’m less anxious than I was in 2016 and 2020. I’m trusting the process. So far, it’s held up. Bad things and good things will happen. I am hopeful that Kamala will win and that we’ll get some moderate sensible people in Congress and in state legislatures, but if those things don’t happen, I am also hopeful that the checks and balances will grind away as they are supposed to and we will be OK.

Infinite value

Part of my volunteer work includes sharing a devotional at community meetings. I have been thinking a lot about “the worth of souls” in recent months, and those thoughts made their way into my most recent devotional. It’s nothing fancy, but I was struck by the wealth of verses across world religions that focus on how important each person is. And I thought I’d share it here. ❤️

These are verses about the value of each individual person, or the infinite worth of each soul, from the holy texts of various religions including Sikhism, Judaism, Hinduism, Buddhism, Bahai, Islam, and Christianity. You may recognize some of them.

The worth of the soul cannot be described.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

A true yogi observes Me in all beings and also sees every being in Me. 

As a mother would risk her life to protect her child, even so should one cultivate a limitless heart with regard to all beings.

Ye are the fruits of one tree, and the leaves of one branch.

Whoever has saved a life, it is as though he has saved all of humanity.

Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care.

Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God.

Each person has infinite value, and this is why we do the work that we do. Amen.

Don’t look away

Interrupting Thanksblogging for an important message…

I have been meaning to write a fully fleshed out blog post about this with citations and everything but haven’t made time for it. It’s like my brain refuses to settle down and do it. Maybe I will do it in a few weeks…

I want to try to articulate why I think it’s difficult for some white Christian Americans to vocally protest Israel’s war against Hamas… what feels different about this decades-plus-long conflict. 

It’s speaking up about two oppressed peoples at war with each other, when you don’t have a specific personal connection to either people (aside from Jewish and Arab friends or family, as many white Christian Americans do have, and that almost complicates things).

It’s jumping in to a conversation where you’ve heard a summary of what came before but suspect you may be missing something.

It’s talking about politics when you don’t want to talk about politics (because sometimes it’s just not worth it).

It’s “both sides-ing” in the most gruesome way that a faraway spectator can.

Gabrielle Blair’s article about it a few weeks ago was helpful for me in framing my thoughts. https://designmom.substack.com/p/two-groups-at-war-and-both-are-marginalized

Melinda Gates’s quote from several years ago that I have never forgotten and that has echoed in my head every day since October 7, has been helpful for me in framing my thoughts. “when you see a mother and her children suffering in another part of the world, don't look away. Look right at them. Let them break your heart”

 https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/6496686-the-world-is-full-of-what-seem-like-intractable-problems#

Reading experiences of Jews and Muslims, Israelis and Palestinians, has been helpful for me in framing my thoughts. (This is what I mean about citations, I would like to add these later)

Reading about the stages of genocide has been helping for me in framing my thoughts.

Reading about the histories of Palestine and Israel, has been helpful for me in framing my thoughts.

Thinking about the legacy of colonialism in my own ancestors, and holding it up next to my own deep-seated patriotism which is still alive and well in me and which I intend to hold onto anyway because two things can be true, has been helpful for me in framing my thoughts.

Seeing the photos and videos coming out of Gaza, has NOT been helpful in forming any sort of thoughts. 

Seeing these has wiped away every rational thought. 

Seeing these has torn my heart open. 

I am not a crier and yet I have shed tears every time I see a mother holding a dead child, or a child crying for his dead mother. Every time I see a traumatized child in shock as he goes through a medical exam, a traumatized child looking for her siblings.

As part of my job I teach students to question their emotional reactions to information and to trace the sources. For the most part, the images and videos I have seen can be traced to very credible sources.

I am a religious person and that is why I say unequivocally that this war is terrifying on a biblical level.

Speaking of my whiteness (lol) I’ve been thinking about a quote from Murtagh, my favorite character in my favorite pandemic-era binge watch (IYKYK). “There’s always a war comin’.”

I grew up in an era of American prosperity, in a location and demographic that could comfortably move through life feeing grateful that all the wars were so long ago or so far away.

Until I visited the Udvar-Hazy Air & Space Museum as a new mom and learned about how people have thrown red paint on the Enola Gay, https://ahf.nuclearmuseum.org/ahf/history/controversy-over-enola-gay-exhibition/

I literally never thought about the impact that the atomic bombs had on the children and families of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Because I had learned that those bombs made the world safe for democracy, and I had learned that the collateral damage was necessary. 

I want peace and safety for all of the world’s people. I want to renounce war and proclaim peace. Despite any complications of such a view, despite any assurances from Antony Blinken or other politicians I respect that Hamas will only become more dangerous if given space and time to regroup, I believe that a ceasefire is the only way to stop our hearts from hardening more. 

I want a ceasefire for those mothers and their children. I can’t look away.

Thanks for Zoom

Ok, hear me out. I am as tired of Zoom meetings as the next person. 😂 (In fact, a few weeks ago I had, I think, 4 Zoom meetings in 24 hours and it about broke me. 😂 Matt was like, “Welcome to my life” 💀) 

I already gave thanks for FaceTime, so maybe this is kind of a duplicate post but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I am also thankful for FaceTime!!

But on to the specifics of Zoom: First, since 2020, because of Zoom my kids have spent more time with extended family than ever before. Every Saturday for a whole YEAR! we gathered as an extended family for an hour on Zoom. My mom still helps Theo with his homework (GODSEND) and she reads with him too; and she also spent many hours reading with Polly when school was still virtual, and Polly was learning how to read.

Secondly, I have gotten to know SO MANY people these last couple of years that I never would have met if it weren’t for the ubiquity of Zoom. And most of them live in my local county!! I am so so thankful for that opportunity. My world and my heart have expanded more than I would ever have imagined a few years ago.

Thanks for soldiers.

Of the 15 Veterans Days that we’ve lived in the DC area, we’ve gone to the Mall probably 10 of those times. We sort of accidentally tripped into the tradition when my parents came to visit during my pregnancy with Theo and we visited the Mall and Arlington Cemetery. It is a beautiful tradition that we’ve missed a few times, either due to having a new baby or having growing kids who don’t want to miss school (how I wish our county gave kids this day off! But then I also understand how it might just turn into a regular old day off, while at school the kids can discuss it, have assemblies etc.). I have no immediate personal connection to war—although I do have cousins who are veterans—but my heart is just drawn to this day. I don’t know. I feel sad and grateful at the same time. And I’ll keep looking for tangible ways to support veterans.

Thanks for the vote

I’m hopeful that the next year or two or four could see some repairs in global relations, some strides toward racial justice, some progress with the pandemic, and some cooperation in politics. Cautiously hopeful. Regardless, I’m thankful to live in a place and a time where I can vote and say and write what I want.

So tie up the bow, take off your coat, and take a look around

Pic is completely unrelated to my post; I just don't have very many photos saved to my laptop. This was Mothers Day 2016.

A few years ago I read an article comparing the biggest social media networks at the time--Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram--and the author posited that Instagram was the nicest place to be online because users couldn't repost and couldn't post links, so everything was an original thought. I spent a few minutes looking for the article just now but couldn't conjure it up. I think it was from Wired magazine.

This was before Instagram Stories existed, before "verified" users could post links in their stories, before third-party apps made it easy to re-post someone else's thoughts to your feed or to your story. And I have to say, I do think Instagram was a nicer place to be before it became more Facebooky. I mean I know that FB owns IG, but by and large IG remained its own "thing" for quite a few years. Then it added Stories, ostensibly to become more like Snapchat, and now there's this Reels feature, which seems a lot like TikTok; but I really think that the re-posting and linking are dragging me down the most.

I was telling my family at dinner today that I had deleted Instagram. Theo asked why I delete it so often (he knows that I delete it every few months, for a few days or a few weeks at a time). I told him I get overloaded and I'm not sure how to calibrate my consumption (or my posting), so I just delete the app entirely until I feel ready to face the overload again. It seems like a silly solution when I write it out like that. But I remember hearing from Gretchen Rubin (one of my fave self-helpers) about this concept of "Moderators" and "Abstainers." I am 100% an Abstainer. I can give anything up cold turkey. Rarely do I give anything up forever, but I can go on long jags of "not doing this" or "not eating that." I've done it since I was a kid, just for kicks. Being a lifelong teetotaler may have contributed to that tendency to relish in complete separation from a vice. Having a mild form of OCD may also have contributed. Moderating is a LOT harder for me, though. I'm not sure exactly why.

Anyway, so I told the fam that the tipping point this time was when I looked at my Screen Time app and was shocked by the number of hours I had spent on Instagram during the previous week. (Don't ask, because I won't tell you. It's way too embarrassing.) I theorized that a good chunk of that time was following links and going down rabbit holes. Matt wondered if I follow too many people on Instagram. I immediately concurred that yes, I definitely do.

And so within a few hours, I had downloaded Instagram again, with the intent of ruthless culling. (Because OCD.) Within about 15 minutes I had removed 150ish accounts. Most of these were people I had never met, many of whom post links that send me down rabbit holes. Some of them were people I know but that had already unfollowed me, most likely because of my posts about politics or racial justice, I'm guessing. If you read this blog, by the way, it's very UN-likely that I've unfollowed you on Instagram. I don't think I've ever unfollowed someone who didn't unfollow me first, and if I did, it was accidental.

So I feel like every few months or however frequently, I come back to the blog, because I realize that's where I can express myself best. In more than a few sentences, and in a place that people have purposely gone to see what I have to say. I've been writing my nonsense here for 18 years now. 18 years! Some of it has been nice. Some of it has maybe been challenging or controversial. So: for any random person scrolling through Instagram expecting it to be a "nice place to be," being interrupted by strong opinions about unpleasant topics is, well, grounds for unfollowing. It's tricky to mix politics and friendship.

And it's not like I'm never going to post about politics or racial justice again. I definitely will. And I will continue to write about it here, and I will continue to talk about it with my people. I just need to take a break from putting myself out there quite so frequently and so visibly on the Gram. I am always looking for a balance. I'll let you know if I ever find it.

2021 would you think about us

I think (?) that most people I know who would never seriously consider Joe Biden as a superior candidate to Donald Trump, have probably already unfollowed or muted me on social media and my blog. (If I’m wrong about that and you’re here: I’m always willing to chat and find common ground... and pick your brain to see what I’m missing?? ❤️)

Believe it or not, I’m fairly moderate and open-minded. I’m married to a free-market guy, first of all. (I call him a libertarian, but, being the libertarian that he is, he eschews the label and prefers “libertarian leaning.”) But also I’m largely pro-life, I support the spirit and the letter of the second amendment, and I give capitalism as it stands a solid B+. 😆 I’m not at all against having a conservative President, conservative justices, conservative majority in Congress, etc etc. 

But what I really DON’T think is cool, is loyalty to a Dear Leader over loyalty to democratic principles (lowercase d), e.g., “liberty and justice for all.” As Michelle said last night in her smart and heartfelt speech... Trump is in over his head. His ethics are so glaringly lacking. His self-interest is so glaringly front and center. I believe Joe Biden will be able to unite the parties in a way that Donald Trump (and even Barack Obama, although I do love you forever Barry) never could, and never really wanted to. (I really enjoyed this Politico piece about Barry and Joe’s relationship: fascinating! What Obama Really Thought about Biden)

I believe that if we Americans want to have a respected and trusted place in a global society, if we want to have checks and balances in our branches of government, if we want to get our economy back on track and safely reopen our schools and visit our sister in France: four more years of Donald Trump is a wild card. Like seriously wild and the stakes are high.

I said what I said 🎤😘 though I am always here to talk politics, ideas, and ideals in earnest with trusted friends. If you are conservative but have mulled over the thought of potentially voting for Biden because you haven’t been super happy with Trump, please continue mulling that. And if you think Trump is a ding-dong but are planning a protest vote for a no-namer, or not to vote at all (ahem YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE) I beg you to reconsider! Joe Biden and Kamala Harris, the only serious team of candidates besides Trump and Pence under our current system, can help get us where we want to go, and I truly believe that.

"2021 would you think about us, copper goes green steel beams go rust"

Unspotted from the world (part 1)

Image via Euro News

I'm going to speak from one of my core identities, which is a believing, sincere, committed Latter-day Saint. A white, believing, sincere, committed Latter-day Saint, since that distinction is important here.

The distinction that I am a believing and active member is also important, because a lot of what is out there on this topic comes from people who no longer believe. Certainly still valid voices, but this situation, to me, is not a binary where you're in (and racist) or you're out (and not racist). 

I was thinking about how wanting to keep ourselves unspotted from the world, makes racism extra hard for white LDS people to really wrap our brains around. The violence in particular doesn't compute. Before you judge me too quickly...

In church, in the scriptures even, we are taught not only not to do bad stuff, but also not to associate with it in any way. In today's world, assuming I have the privilege of not seeing actual abuse or violence (a privilege which so far, I do have), then perhaps also I should try avoid seeking the real-life stories about it. Try not to watch it in movies. Try not to read it in novels. Try not to listen to it on the radio. Stay completely separate. Stay completely innocent. Keeping it tame with my media consumption has always been my approach, and generally still is.

This came to mind when I was thinking about one of the most powerful movies I have seen about benevolent racism, and how much it shook me: Get Out. This is a horror movie which is rated R (two things that a "good" Latter-day Saint person should perhaps not partake in, and two things I generally do not partake in). I was hooked as soon as I saw the brilliant trailer--Guess Who's Coming to Dinner with a deep and painful twist--but I know how I am about horror movies, and so I took my time before watching it. I read the plot summary on Wikipedia and the parents' guide on IMDB. And then finally, about a year after it came out, I watched it filtered, with the explicit language and the gore deleted and/or fast-forwarded. (It gets really gory toward the end.) Yes, this was just about the most sanitized way I could participate in this experience. It's OK if you're laughing at me. The intricacies of this movie's metaphors about the "white moderate" (or "white liberal") including white feminists, are so sharp and so true that it hurts, a lot. This review is great: Get Out Deconstructs Racism for White People

Warning: this post contains disturbing images.

Weeeelll, so speaking of explicit language, this is where we get into F-word territory. That's right: Fragility. I have been thinking about how incredibly thin and wobbly the wire is between innocence and ignorance. Do I think we Mormons need to go out and watch horror movies? Or seek out real-life violent situations? No. If I am truly staying unspotted and untouched from all avoidable evil in the world (because it's a slippery slope; I have anxiety and I am obsessive. If I watch one violent movie or see one violent act, I may not be able to get it out of my head), then it might be more difficult for me to believe and to wrap my mind around the notion that evil happened in the real world. It is happening in the real world. And just like the unwelcome images may linger in my mind for years, the unwelcome experiences of violent OR benevolent racism may linger in the minds of my Black brothers and sisters. For life.

"Lay apart all filthiness"
Keep the appalling and disgusting stuff out of your mind and heart. (link is to Lady Day singing "Strange Fruit")

Image via National Memorial for Peace and Justice

"Keep thyself unspotted from the world"
Don't let the unpleasantness of the world linger in you.

Image via Wall Street Journal

"Let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly"
Don't dwell on iniquity and vice.

Image via NBC News

"If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things."
If it is violent, ugly, or shameful or evil, we do not hold these things in our minds and hearts.

Image via NBC News

OK, so, I've never burned a cross or been to an alt-right rally. I've never attended a lynching. I've never unconstitutionally detained anyone or beaten anyone, and I've never killed anyone. Neither have you. (probably?)

So: assuming that (probably?) many if not most Church members over the centuries but especially in recent decades have not done those things either, although certainly some have: When we talk about racism in the Church (specifically the racist teachings propagated by a century plus-long policy against Black men and women of African descent participating in temple ordinances or being ordained to the priesthood, which ended in 1978)(these racist teachings have been officially disavowed, yet they turned up in a major world-wide lesson manual in 2020), I have personally witnessed a common "not-me" approach: "We are not racist." "That was 40 years ago." "All of America was segregated for most of that time." "The people weren't ready for it yet." Granted, that  not-me attitude is slowly changing. Like, a millimeter at a time changing. But as sheltered as we are, it's sometimes hard for us white Latter-day Saints to see the ways that our racist legacy continues.

If you consider that the Church was founded in 1830, the official policy against Black people participating fully was announced in 1852, and the official revocation of that policy was announced in 1978, here is the math:

22 years of no overt policy against Black members' full fellowship

126 years of an overt policy against Black members' full fellowship

42 years of no overt policy against Black members' full fellowship, plus the relieved confidence of "That's all behind us!"

LDS scholar Marvin Perkins (controversial in his own right, due to a cringey message of colorblindness which can unfortunately overshadow his broader, more helpful message of interpreting "blackness" in scripture as traceable to a Hebrew idiom meaning "gloom") uses this really great graphic, which is somewhat illustrated here:

Image via LDS Living

There's an image of the temple on the far left. There are four brick walls blocking the temple, one labeled Restriction, one labeled Teachings, one labeled Attitudes, and one labeled Perceptions. These "walls" have been up since at least 1852; but let's be real, a few of them were up as early as 1830. The first wall, the one labeled Restriction, was removed in 1978. The other three walls--Teachings, Attitudes, and Perceptions--remain. That "Restriction" wall kept Black Saints literally out of the temple. The other three walls, all of which remain today, in 2020, keep Black Saints metaphorically out of the temple and they keep Saints of all races out of achieving our full purpose of heart, which is to come unto Christ, leaving no one behind.

So I have another post to follow up to this one. Well, I will have another post, once I write it. haha. It includes some seemingly small action ideas for our day-to-day as well as larger long-term ones. The followup post is also inspired by some more scriptures I've been pondering. I'll share just one here, and the rest in the next post:

"And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge"

We need diligence, faith, and definitely virtue, sure sure sure. OK so the big thing we might be missing if we're focusing entirely on the first three, is that last one KNOWLEDGE.

Who knows the most about the Black Latter-day Saint experience? That would be Black Latter-day Saints. Are they a monolith? No. Do they offer a variety of perspectives? Yes. Can we come unto Christ without them--and would we want to? No and no. Is it possible to change our Teachings, Attitudes, and Perceptions about them? Yes. Is it going to hurt? Yes. Is it as simple as one blog post, one announcement, or one invitation? Obviously not.

More soon.

*

Series:
Part 1: Unspotted from the world
Part 2: Seek ye diligently
Part 3: Mourn with those that mourn
Part 4: In much patience
Part 5: "Come here" and "go there"

Law and order

I saw the headlines about Trump's call to governors. Maybe you've seen them too. Maybe you listened to the audio or read the transcript. For the past several years, particularly since 2016, I've tried to spend time on conservative news sites to provide some sort of balance to my preferred diet of NPR, the Atlantic and the Washington Post. So I check in on Fox, the National Review, the Federalist. I've been wanting to get a subscription to the Wall Street Journal and I think I'm ready to pony up for that. Anyway, I looked for some thoughtful analysis of the call (beyond the claim that Trump can and should call in the National Guard based on historical precedent, which is almost beside the point for me) on any of these conservative sites. Haven't found it yet.

I watched this interview with the police chief of Houston (where George Floyd was from) and it really captured how I feel about that call with governors. It's 10 minutes long but worth it.

I would really truly love to hear from any Trump supporters who might be reading this, who can explain to me why Trump's attitude about law and order is the right one. I read the transcript of yesterday's call with governors and was struck by the differences between the governors' comments and the president's comments.

Governors gave details about protests and conditions in their respective states; talked about the specific ways they were trying to achieve peace already, including incorporating the National Guard in some instances as well as meeting with leaders of the black community and faith leaders; one asked for specific help like more PPE and testing given the Covid spread that is probably happening at the protests; one asked Trump to back off on the inflammatory rhetoric (you may have seen the headlines on that one, "I don't like your rhetoric either"); one asked Trump if there is any intelligence indicating who the bad actors are that are infiltrating protests from out of state.

Trump made unproven generalizations about the bad actors ("They're Antifa and they're radical left"); described the presence of military police as "a beautiful thing"; called Minneapolis "a laughingstock all over the world"; cited a vague instance in Dallas "where they kicked a guy to death. I don't know if he died or not but if he didn't, it's a miracle"; and gave this advice to the governors on how to bring peace: "you have to dominate, and you have to arrest people, and you have to try people and they have to go to jail for long periods of time."

I don't know why I'm even regurgitating all of this. I am just trying to make sense of it. The typically conservative value of states' rights has become more important to me over the years and especially in the last few months where governors have shown much more leadership than our president has. (I told you I was getting more conservative.) I came across the below speech of Eisenhower explaining why the National Guard was showing up in Arkansas to maintain order at the time of the Little Rock Nine. In his speech he carefully explains his rationale for the military to enforce the rule of law in this instance. He is not political. He makes no generalizations. He doesn't indicate whether he has personal feelings about school integration.

I'm not saying Ike for president or anything, I'm just saying: There is a precedent for the National Guard to come in to unstable situations. Eisenhower and the Little Rock Nine. George H.W. Bush and the riots in L.A. after the Rodney King verdict. Etc. etc. I wonder what would happen if our current president chilled out for two seconds, paused from talking about himself or flexing his figurative muscles, tried to explain to the people of the country why he thinks the military should step in (something beyond "if you don't dominate, you'll look like a bunch of jerks"). 

Can you imagine that? I cannot imagine that.

The revolution is female

The National Museum of African American History and Culture (Smithsonian) opened in the fall of 2016. The first time I went, I found out that there were A TON of events relating to the history of civil rights that I had previously known nothing about. The most egregious was that I, a college-educated adult, had NEVER HEARD of Emmett Till before 2016. I had probably read his name at some point in like, a U.S. history class?? If so, I have zero memory of it. At any rate Emmett Till's casket is in this museum, and finally learning his story is probably the most striking and memorable learning experience that I've had at a museum.

Since then, I have been several times, with and without my kids, and have had a variety of experiences. The first time I brought Theo and Ida, an older African American gentleman noticed them looking at an exhibit that contained a drinking fountain with a "Coloreds Only" sign on it. He came up next to us, introduced himself, and asked what the kids thought about the fountain. He said, "I grew up in North Carolina in the 1950s. I drank out of those water fountains." He told us how the movie theaters, the beaches, the pools, the libraries, the schools, everything was segregated then. He said his mother refused to go to a segregated beach, so he rarely was able to go to the beach. I can't remember this man's name, but I so appreciated his generosity and neighborliness in approaching us and being willing to share his story with my kids.

Another striking and memorable learning experience that I have had in this museum was seeing the mug shots of Joan Trumpauer Mulholland.

A (semi-young) white woman myself, I looked at the face of this young white woman and for the first time really imagined what kind of impact someone like me could have. I had certainly never heard of her before, and her name is definitely not as important to know as Emmett Till's in the history of civil rights, but I appreciated seeing Joan's face. Just a young white woman from Northern Virginia, a student at Duke and a Christian, who joined this movement that she believed in, rode with the Freedom Riders and was arrested. I saw myself in this face. Sure, I was a good decade older, but I was just as free as she was to join a movement where most white people didn't see a place for themselves.

What would I have done in 1961? Well, I don't really need to answer that question. The question is, what will I do now? Dr. King's Letter from a Birmingham Jail is a classic guidepost for the white moderate.

Something to keep in mind is that participating in the continuing civil rights movement (or the revolution, or whatever the name is??? I don't know bc I'm not an expert) is going to involve:

(a) feeling uncertain

(b) feeling uncomfortable

(c) worrying about saying or doing the wrong thing

(d) saying or doing the wrong thing (when you were TRYING SO HARD!)

(e) accepting and examining criticism

(f) trying to change / learn / unlearn

(g) starting again from (a).

A million times. Til death do us part.

In the cold November rain

November 8, 2016! Hoo boy! I know (or assume) that not everyone reading this wants "anyone but Trump" to win. But, probably a lot of you do. So, if you're interested, I came across this website today, which offers ways to Adopt a State for the November election. I really like this idea and am interested in trying it out. Virginia used to be a red state, then it was purple, now it's pretty much blue, all due to the populous and generally urban northern part of the state. So, my vote in a presidential election "counts" but also doesn't count.

I am intrigued by the thought of calling up people in Arizona, or Florida, or Michigan, or North Carolina, or Wisconsin, or Michigan. I am leaning towards Arizona because I have ties there. Nebulous ties, of course, having to do with my religion (lots of the Mormons live in AZ) and with my longstanding appreciation and admiration for their late senator John McCain.

Anywho. In case you're interested in replacing Trump with someone else in November. (Looks like Joe Biden is the guy, he wasn't my pick in the primaries, but he seems more sane and less sociopathic than Trump, and that is the bar.)

And if you're not interested in that. I'd love to pick your brain. Truly. Because for me it is not about politics anymore. I think I'm already more conservative than I was 4 years ago. Although I lean to the middle-left, I would literally vote for any sitting Republican senator to be the president other than Trump. Well except for Mitch McConnell. But literally anyone else. Hmmm, maybe not Lindsey Graham. Okay okay, there are probably several Republican senators I would not vote for, but there are a LOT that I would vote for! It is really not about policy for me anymore, but about Trump's dismantling of "norms" (that really should have been rules) many of which have to do with personal finances, disclosure of relevant information to the taxpayers, anti-corruption practices, and generally not being shady.

Democrats (well, some Democrats anyway) have learned the hard way that shoving through legislation or Supreme Court nominees or what have you, seems all well and good when you have a sane person in the executive branch, but that precedent of "WHAT I WILL DO ON DAY ONE!" proclaimed by MANY A DEM! has only helped bolster executive power in the worst possible way. I think the Book of Mormon even has some stuff to say about this ("if it were possible that ye could always have mentally stable people to be your presidents it would be well for you to have a president").

NOW, if we can just get JOE BIDEN to KEEP HIS MOUTH SHUT. I have been sharing this very sympathetic stuttering story far and wide because I think it accounts for MANY of his public gaffes. But I'm sorry, it does not account for blatant racism! How tone-deaf can you be! Never has he needed a woman of color as his running mate more, than he does now.



And on the "woman" note, believe me, I am following the sexual assault brouhaha too. PRETTY SURE Elizabeth Warren doesn't have any rape accusations brewing, I COULD BE WRONG THOUGH!

ARIZONA! I'LL BE TEXTING YOU!

Thanks for veterans

For many Veterans Days now, just about every Veterans Day that we've lived here, I have gone to the National Mall to pay my respects at the war memorials. Once we started having kids, I brought the kids. We have also greeted Honor Flights at Reagan Airport a few times. This year and last year, a big outing just hasn't fit in with the day. I guess the kids are getting older and life is getting more complicated. Next year they'll all be in school all day and I think I'll at least take out my two younger ones, since they won't otherwise have the memories of the day that Theo and Ida do.

Today between work and school and piano lessons, we didn't even make time to go to a local cemetery to visit the Civil War veterans (that's our backup if we don't make it downtown), so instead the kids and I talked about Veterans Day and decided to donate to the American Legion. I am thankful for our soldiers' sacrifices, and equally thankful for their families' sacrifices, and I am thankful to live in this prosperous country that still stands for justice and freedom.

Thanks for ordinary strangers.

I just finished the book 102 Minutes: The Untold Story of the Fight to Survive inside the Twin Towers. The stories were insannnnne. I was struck over and over by the humanity of everyone involved. What a big world we live in, with so many millions and millions of personalities. It kind of makes my brain hurt if I think about it too much, but I’m thankful for it anyway!

Yikes

I still think Kavanaugh should have stepped down from his Supreme Court nomination, and I think Ralph Northam should step down from the governor's seat. I mean I voted for the guy, but Yikes.

Not because I don't think Kavanaugh is and will be an impartial judge, or because I don't think Ralph Northam has been and could be an effective governor, but because the only way to stop ignoring shady behavior is to... stop ignoring shady behavior.

When Matt showed me the news about Northam yesterday (the governor of our fine commonwealth if you were unaware), I thought of the scene from Clear and Present Danger where the President's advisers are telling him to cut ties with a friend who was found dead in a drug deal situation, and Harrison Ford the "Boy Scout analyst" disagrees. "If they ask if you were friends, say no, he was a good friend. If they ask if he was a good friend, say no, we were lifelong friends. It would give them no place to go. Nothing to report. No story." (Finding real-life parallels in '90s movies: always winning)(granted, that President ended up being an actual bad guy)

Not only am I surprised that Ed Gillespie's camp didn't find this photo before the election (hello), I'm disappointed that Northam didn't get ahead of the story and apologize before someone published the photo, in effect pulling the Boy Scout/Jack Ryan move of preemptive honesty. Either the stakes were too high or he forgot about the existence of the photo; neither option holds up.

From Janai Nelson of the NAACP: "While we are mindful that youth and young adults can make regrettable mistakes that may merit leniency, this image perpetuates some of the worst hate in our nation's history and undermines the ability of all Virginians--particularly those of color--to have faith in the integrity of their Governor. His failure to proactively own a mistake of this magnitude before it was discovered by others calls into question his ability to credibly lead the diverse people of Virginia. We vehemently condemn racism regardless of the political party of the offender, and Governor Northam is no exception. His apology is insufficient, and we demand his immediate resignation."

From Rep. Eric Swalwell: "No, you can't wear a black face or a white hood and lead a state. Not now and not ever. But we are merciful people. Governor Northam should step down, seek forgiveness, and through good deeds earn the respect of the African-American Community."

Northam stepping down and accepting consequences of something he did as an idiotic young adult and then tried to leave buried, will hopefully be an example to the rest of us about (a) not doing idiotic/offensive things and (b) not taking photos of them.