Thanks for my boys. And thanks for my girl.

I was going to write this as two separate posts because I missed a day. Instead I'm going to be efficient and put them both into one, but it still counts as two. Because this is my blog and I make the rules.

I've been wondering whether our (probably) last baby is a boy or a girl. Our ultrasound is coming up in two weeks, and that's when we could find out if we want to. I'm a little tempted, since we've never tried it that way. But I do love the surprise at birth. I love it. And my kids think waiting is fun. Matt says he doesn't care either way and that it's up to me. So I think we'll wait again.

I've thought about what it would be like if it were a boy or if it were a girl. If we have another boy then we'll have three boys, each four years apart. With our one girl in the mix, of course. Four years has proven to be the perfect distance between Theo and Lars so far, and that would make it all nice and even.

If we have another girl then that definitely makes things like room divisions easy, and it balances the girls and boys. And makes it less likely that one of the boys would end up being a third wheel. Our girls would be 6 1/2 years apart, which is a big gap. They wouldn't really share a childhood. But it sure would be fun to have a baby girl again. Eventually, probably less chaotic than three boys. Probably more dramatic.

Growing up with mostly sisters I never thought about what it would be like to be a "boy mom." My boys are a handful. I feel like only moms of boys can really understand what I mean when I say that. They are so funny and goofy and dirty and stoic; then sometimes unexpectedly emotional; so so so much energy; and so sweet. 

I feel like my older boy and girl have been giving me glimpses of my future with them. The older Theo gets, the more he deliberately distances himself from my nosy mom-questions and steps into this mysterious boy-world that doesn't include me. He only comes back occasionally when he needs reassurance, which I am always grateful to give. The older Ida gets, the more she has these dramatic emotional tantrums that come out of nowhere and can only be solved by talking extensively about our feelings. I've been wondering where my babies went and at what point did these completely unique and yet stereotypically "boy" and "girl" beings appear.

Fortunately, for now, Lars is just an uncomplicated ball of joy and fun and snuggles who makes us all laugh all the time. And, who wakes up screaming from night terrors.

I guess where I'm going with this is that I feel like I have a general idea of what life could be like either way, if we get a boy or a girl. While Matt was traveling last week Ida slept in my bed, and as she chatted me to sleep every night I thought how fun it would be to have two of these and at the same time how special it is to have just her, my girl, all to myself. 

I'm just glad that either way I get to have both. I love my boys and I love my girl and I don't know how I'll wait 23ish more weeks to welcome the next one, him or her. Now the main thing to figure out is names, because we are completely stumped on those. Even with Ida's helpful list. And Theo's helpful list, which includes Fatima for a girl and Jayden for a boy.