Thanks for the help.

I know this isn't everyone's style, but with every venture in my life if there's any uncertainty on my part I like to read up on it obsessively and ask experts. For me this is especially true in motherhood. I've read some good books (and skimmed some bad books) on the topic. I've asked my mom, my mother-in-law, my grandmothers, my sisters and sisters-in-law, and friends for advice many many many times. Then I run with the advice, or don't, or I try it for a while, and always it ends up with me tailoring it to myself and coming up with new ideas on my own. For me it's been very empowering to connect with others in this way.

Before Theo was born I used to read a now-defunct blog run by several moms called Tales from the Crib that taught me SO much stuff I had no idea about--in particular the nitty-gritty gross stuff of birth and new motherhood that I had never heard of but any veteran mom is like "Well yeah, duh." That was sort of my first foray into the huge world of parenting experts. I've depended on books and advice to help get me through pregnancy, postpartum depression, breastfeeding, weaning, teaching kids to eat, teaching kids to sleep, teaching kids to use the toilet; dealing with fighting, talking back, not talking at all, hitting, biting, tantrums, sibling rivalry, being total slobs, lying, stealing, whatever else you can think of. For me, that help was a godsend. I wasn't born knowing how to do any of this stuff. I need help. And I'm barely 8 years into it so there's a whole lot more where that came from...

The funny thing is that the more I learn and the more hours I log, the more I think I know what I'm doing, the more I realize that my kids are just constantly going to surprise me. In good ways and not-so-good ways. Also, the less I feel inclined to share unsolicited advice to new moms. Ironically, I think I was a lot more likely to share unsolicited advice about motherhood when I was a newer mom myself. Has that been true for anyone else? Maybe I realized that not everyone is as "into" getting advice as I am. Or maybe I realized how much I am still just flailing around figuring it out with everyone else.

Over the past few weeks I attended a 3-session course put on by a local developmental pediatrician and behaviorist called "Managing Challenging Behaviors in Young Children" and I LOVED it. I learned so much, not only about being Theo's mom but also about parenting my other two... and a lot of it was obvious stuff, mainly that I need to be more proactive in preventing behaviors in the first place rather than letting them happen and then punishing them over and over. I got lots of specific, tailored-to-me ideas for handling my own issues as a mom, met other parents who had similar issues and just left feeling like I can totally handle this. Not to mention I met this pediatrician, the one who led the course, whom I had heard a lot about from friends and Theo's therapist before meeting her, and got Theo on the waiting list to see her so that he can get a medical diagnosis, or not (he currently doesn't have one, just his autism label at school), and to find out if there's anything else I should or shouldn't be doing to help him.

Don't get me wrong, life at this stage has its many challenges but I think it's easier than it used to be and definitely easier than it will be once they get to middle school. I'll take my current challenges any time over crying toddlers who poop in their pants and don't know how to talk. No offense, toddlers everywhere. I'm thankful of course for my darling children but also very thankful for the many experts, those I know in person and those I don't, that have helped and are helping Matt and me raise them.