One of the reasons I always loved Anne Shirley is that once she had grown up and become a teacher, she still remembered what it had been like to be a child. Young Anne (like so many other of my favorite fictional children, including Ramona Quimby, Caddie Woodlawn and Huckleberry Finn) got so frustrated when adults dismissed or minimized her concerns, and she vowed never to forget that feeling and never to give children that feeling once she had grown up.
This year I want to be like that. With my kids especially, but also with my husband and with everyone I talk to. Have you seen this video, The Power of Empathy? I love it. I've probably watched it 10 times.
I hadn't really thought about this difference between empathy and sympathy: sympathy can relate to a situation; empathy relates to the feeling. I may be able to put myself in your shoes in a certain way because I've been through a similar problem, but that doesn't necessarily help you if my reaction was different from yours, and it definitely doesn't help if I think you should be feeling a different way, or if I use the words "At least..." True empathy reaches past the facts of a tough situation and into the emotions it is triggering for the person who is currently in the midst of that situation. Whether the listener has had the same experience as the sufferer may not be relevant. What is relevant is whether the listener has had the same emotions and whether he or she can remember those feelings and relate to the sufferer in that way.
Which in turn reminds me of another, sillier video that you have likely watched, It's Not About the Nail.
Anyway, that is my new year's resolution this year: to empathize more. I have a few others too but that's the main one and they all circle around it.
Hopefully you won't judge me too harshly when you need me to be empathetic and I'm failing at it. (If that happens, just remind me and I'll shape up!)
2 comments:
I love Anne Shirley, and she is so empathetic when she grows up. I always thought I would like to be a mom like her. Unfortunately I am not. (I actually like the part in Anne of Inglside where she gets a little cranky, I can relate to that part!) I think having empathy is a great goal. This is a good reminder for me.
I believe our culture trains us to help by solving problems. Empathy often looks like you are not helping, so we are reluctant to try it.
Keep us posted on your results and experiences. I'm not sure what I've resolved to do this year. Every year I usually say I want to get things in order. And I pick away at that.
But things are still not very orderly!!
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