Follow-up

I had a few emails and questions about my last post--all of which were so nice, thank you--and so here is a patched-together response and follow-up.

When I took Theo in to ChildFind, back when he was barely 3 and he had all that testing--this is back when he was doing stuff like lining up colored blocks at home in complicated symmetrical patterns, and memorizing every country on the world map, and not talking at all except to repeat what he heard; pretty textbook actually!--it was all inconclusive as far as autism, although I asked about it. The conclusion was "developmental delay." Maybe some teachers/therapists/social workers/etc. in the public system are sometimes sort of reluctant to use "the A word"? Or reluctant to bring up something that is typically a medical diagnosis? I don't know. I asked my pediatrician many times and she was unconcerned. He defies many of the visible symptoms, and then in some areas he's so textbook, and then in some areas he only has "a touch of the aut," as a psychologist so delicately put it once, referring to her theory that everyone in the world has at least "a touch of the aut."

Then again, I don't know that approaching it with a diagnosis several years ago would have particularly made a difference, for him or for us. I guess maybe we would have started socialization therapy sooner? That's the main change we are making.

Matt and I were talking about this yesterday because it can seem like such a sensitive topic but then it's also not. I mean, I guess I'm technically "sensitive" about it because it's dear to me, but I'm not afraid to talk about it. When I cry about it, it's a combination of the relief and gratitude about sitting in a meeting with 8 public school professionals who are all awesome and whom I believe would take a bullet for their kids (don't think I'll ever get over Sandy Hook, over here), plus the stress about the logistics: "How to Prevent Theo From Pinching People in the Arm." Etc. Then, at the same time I am not planning to label him as "autistic" or "on the spectrum" in day-to-day conversation, if that makes sense. "Yes, Well, Theo's On the Spectrum." "Theo's Got A Touch of the Aut." I think it's important for people in his life to understand it so they're prepared if he loses his temper--family, school teachers, Primary teachers, our own friends. Many of whom read this blog. I think it's important especially for Matt and me to understand it.

I guess that's why I felt like a blog post was a good balance of "this is a big deal" and "this isn't that big of a deal." I don't want to make it seem like some really major hardship to those who are unfamiliar. And the psychologist's initial suggestion a few months ago wasn't a surprise to anyone, but it took several years to get to this point--of having someone suggest it to me, rather than me suggest it to someone and be basically waved off. Theo is healthy. He has a big appetite and will try almost any food. He pretty much does everything for himself, makes himself lunch and takes showers and gets dressed and folds his clothes and takes out the trash and puts away his stuff. He can't put on a pair of gloves to save his life (pretty low muscle tone). Mittens! He sits quietly and participates in Primary. (mostly.) He can carry on a conversation. (mostly.) He likes to hug. He is very sweet. He has learned how to play pretend--something he didn't really know how to do until almost kindergarten. He can read and write and follow directions and do all his academic work. Then of course on the flip side his temper can be dangerous if you try to cross him where he's most rigid, and he just plain doesn't know how to play with other kids who don't truly know him and understand how he works.

One study I read, which was admittedly 2009 so it's not the most cutting edge, was addressing the rise of autism diagnoses. It indicated that half of children whose parents reported them as autistic, had only "mild" symptoms. And a sizable percentage of those children, after however many years passed, were no longer reported as being on the autism spectrum. I have no idea whether there are more severe actual cases of autism spectrum disorder than there used to be (vaccines! red dye #40! synthetic pillows!)(I made the synthetic pillows one up, but come to think of it that is an infliction of the worst order). But at least in part, the rise in reported cases seems somewhat reflective of kids who in past generations might have just been "kinda weird," whose parents are trying to help them and then actually succeeding in some way.

I hope that with help, Theo will head away from an awkward and potentially tragic path, toward a slightly less awkward, and non-tragic one. It goes against my own instincts as a parent to be so involved with things like his socialization, maybe because of the way I was parented, and I naturally gravitate to that "figure it out yourself" mentality in almost every aspect of mothering. But he is unique and will need more help than our other kids, at least in this area, and they may need more help than he does in other areas. Sheesh, they don't include any of this stuff at the hospital when you get the free information packets shoved into your free nylon diaper bag with the free cans of baby formula. (baby formula!)