I know that sounds so corny and only people like Mr. Rogers can get away with talking about things like this. If Mr. Rogers had a blog he would probably have written a post about asking for a hug when you want to throw a tantrum. Not to say that my ideas about raising kids are on par with his (I'm willing to bet that his kids never tried to gouge out each other's eyes...not that mine have...ahem) but you know what I mean. Anyway if you imagine a graph, a tantrum-hug quotient if you will, the number of tantrums went down and the number of hugs went up once we implemented Ask For A Hug. Cross my heart.
That is not to say that they don't have tantrums anymore. Boy Howdy, today Theo threw a doozy. Such a doozy that it made me say the words Boy Howdy. They still cry and get upset numerous times a day, and then ask for a hug, and sometimes ask for hugs out of the blue (which they didn't really do before) which interestingly sometimes uncovers a problem I might not have known was there. When they ask for a hug it's like a call to me to investigate or just try to be more attentive to the situation. Or sometimes it's a clever way for Ida to get out of bed no fewer than 16 times after bedtime, because who is going to refuse a hug from a sleepy-eyed 3-year-old in pink footie pajamas at 10 p.m.? Definitely not me.
Overall I really think the hug suggestion got through to them. And actually it helped me too. I have a bit of a temper myself and have been known to throw a few tantrums in my day. Boy Howdy have I. And I realized that the same thing works for me, maybe not always literally, but the idea of it does. The act of asking for a hug is like reciting a mantra, an incantation that delivers recognition of what I really want most of the time when my temper is flaring up: for someone to understand me and to tell me that it's OK to feel the way I am feeling.
Anyway. Thanks for visiting, neighbor. "It's such a good feeling to know you're alive...It's such a happy feeling...You're growing inside..."
Speaking of Mr. Rogers, loved this article that Cousin Karls posted a while back: Can You Say...Hero?
9 comments:
What a great idea! I think I might implement this in my every day life with every day people.
Mr. Rogers would approve!!
Such a wonderful idea. This post came at just the right time as both Stephen and I threw tantrums of our own this very morning. Thanks, neighbor.
I love Mr. Rogers and I think he would love this idea.
It is amazing how a hug can help when a melt-down is happening.
boy howdy, do I need to implement this. thank you for sharing. I notice when my kids act up, a lot of times it's because I'm not giving them attention.
When Agnes is throwing a tantrum and wants to stop- she comes and asks for a hug. She came up with it on her own, but was I ever glad that she figured it out!
This is a great idea. In fact, I often tell JD that when I'm upset and crying, and mad, all I really want is for him to come give me a hug and comfort me. He's still learning. But, I have tried hugging Kyle in the middle of his tantrums, and he does calm down, but I've never verbalized it. I'm going to. Thanks for the tip!
What a great idea. This is why I love reading blogs! I am totally implementing this.
Eliza - you are quite prolific. Perhaps you should consider writing a cute little book. "Musings" sounds right. I know you are laughing right now but I'm serious! You're so fun to read. I guess that's what a blog is. How many hits do you get (if you don't mind me asking)
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