I spent 3 days in California with my brothers and sisters and parents and nieces and nephews. All of us there got to hold him and kiss his little face.
I was intrigued to see how much like any other newborn Jonah was. He had many of the same reflexes. Most of his disabilities were internal, so he really didn't look that different. He didn't like getting his diaper changed. He cried when he was hungry. He couldn't see or hear, but he responded to his parents' soothing touch.
When my sister Phoebe called last night to let us know that Jonah had finally died, it was strange to jump back and forth between that intensely personal and spiritual world of Harry and Dawn's home in California, and the loud and chaotic world of kids shrieking and climbing all over me on my couch in Virginia. I told Theo and Ida that Jonah had died and reminded them that God had answered our prayers--his mom and dad had gotten to hold him. His brothers and sisters had gotten to hold him. Several of his cousins and aunts and uncles and grandparents had gotten to hold him. Even I had gotten to hold him! Because my kids are bent on pulling me up out of sadness, Theo reminded me, "Now Jesus and Heavenly Father get to hold him." At some point, a "believer" has to decide whether his beliefs are true. So when Theo said that to me, I had to sit and ask myself out loud. Is it true? And the immediate answer--it is. Jonah had a purpose. He came to earth to receive a body and live his life. And he did.
I love what Katie's mom Pam said: "Jonah is a special blessing to all of us. He makes us appreciate what we have and know that there is something special about each moment spent here with our families." I love my family and am touched by the examples of loving and caring motherhood and fatherhood that Harry and Dawn are to me. I know they are so sad, but they are also so strong and good. Their home has been a special place to be lately. Jonah's first several days at home were pretty good (relatively speaking) though by the end, everyone was ready for him to go, as much as anyone could be in this situation. Every night his family sang "Happy Birthday" to him and blew out candles on a birthday cake (or brownies, or donuts). Every morning before school his brothers and sisters kissed him goodbye and then hello again every afternoon. In family prayer one night his sister Eve asked "that when Jonah dies we can be sad, but not too sad." His mom and dad rarely left his side. Every minute of his life somebody was holding him, dressing him, feeding him or changing him. I can't imagine that any baby has ever been so intensely, so thoroughly loved.
15 comments:
What an amazing gift to know and feel that time is limited and that therefore, every time you can give a hug and kiss, you do. I guess we all know that time is limited, but sometimes it doesn't feel that way, you know? After reading this post, though, I feel it. And I'm going to act like it. Thank you.
Thanks for sharing with us Eliza. You and Hannah have both brought tears to my eyes with your writing today.
Eliza! It is so utterly heartwrenching and I'm glad he was so loved, he deserves it! But I am so sorry for your brother and sister in law, that's so hard!
what a great baby. what a great theo. and what a great post.
Thank you for the wonderful post. Hugs from all of us to all of you. You are a special family indeed.
Thank you for sharing this. What a special little boy to get to come to such a loving family that made every second of his life full of love. I'm glad you got to see spend time with your family. So sweet what Theo said. What a smart little boy!
Also, I think the picture of Dawn and Harry and baby Jonah at the top is the most beautiful picture I have ever seen! The happiness on Dawn's face is beautiful! The love they have for their baby is just oozing out of ever pore.
I called Ryan over after reading this and gave him a big hug and told him I love him. I don't do that enough, with all the running around we do in the day. Your family is so loving and supportive, so if anyone can get through this with strength and courage, I know they can. I agree with Pam, Jonah was a blessing and he lived a blessed life while he was here.
This was such a beautiful post. I know I am going to be thinking about it for a long time. Also, I love Theo. He has his mom's spirit!
If the purpose of one's life is to bring this much positive energy and love into the world, then even such a short life simply cannot be a tragedy. My thoughts are with Harry and Dawn and your whole family. Love you guys.
Alex, I had a friend whose mom died recently. She knew she was dying and she called each of her children in separately and said to them, "I have lived a good full life. I have been happy. My death is not a tragedy."
I think when we think "tragedy" what we are saying is, I will miss you so much and it will be hard to miss you.
And Baby Jonah did live a full life, even it it was a short one - but we still miss what might have been. I for one appreciate your acknowledgement of the worth of Jonah's life!
Barbara - I agree! I do understand missing the possibilities that earthly life represents, and missing the memories that might have been made, and I most definitely did not mean to belittle that sentiment. But in times of mourning I always take a lot of comfort in the idea that people live on in the way they have affected those around them, and for such a short life, this one certainly seems to have created a lot of joy.
Alex, I did not think you meant to belittle - I truly appreciated your comment - it was another perspective - one that has much value for us!
I can't quite figure out why I'm crying after I read this. Can I share a "secret" while writing this comment? I will, mostly because I like being open about this because I think it shouldn't be a big deal, but I say "secret" because it makes some people uncomfortable, but not me. I had to go on meds after Carter because of my post-partum and because of it I hardly ever cry. It's a weird feeling since I'm usually one that cried rather easily. Anyway, this post though, goodness! I can't stop.
I think I have such a mixture of emotions: feeling so sad for your sister and your family, how special baby Jonah is, how loosing him has brought such tender, sweet feelings to the surface, how so many things you said just resonate with me.
Thanks for sharing. Jonah's story is a beautiful one.
That was such a touching and uplifting post. Thank you so much for sharing that sweet experience with us Eliza. I makes me want to be better and cherish those everyday moments. Thanks!
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