Sharon Peril (as Theo calls her, to everyone's delight, including Sharon's) lives in the apartment below me and we have become friends over the years. I like to think that my various angry 3-a.m. knocks on her door when her TV was blasting helped facilitate this. Sharon is originally from Buffalo. She has battled breast cancer twice and has been divorced once. She is retired and she doesn't drive or otherwise get out much. Her husband started working nights a few months ago and since then she has become a more frequent visitor in the evenings. She has even taken to running errands with us, which is a story in itself...and a mighty good one, I might add...
Anyway, she has been coming over more and I have been frustrated by it at times because I have been feeling pretty overwhelmed with all of the semi-meaningless things in my life that I am trying to tame at the moment. Last night she came over while I was feeding the kids dinner. I had not been outside at all that day except for a short run with the kids in the morning. I was wearing an ill-fitting shirt, cutoff shorts, and athletic socks (I had been attempting to mop the floor and I hate mopping barefoot--gross) and my hair looked like I had brushed it with a piece of duct tape. As I let her in I issued the standard caveat when the surroundings are dangerously messy--something along the lines of "Protect yourself, shield your eyes"--and I dashed back into the kitchen to finish up with the serving of the meal.
As I did so, I heard various exclamations coming from the other side of the wall. "Oh wow. Ohhhh, wowwwwww." She ambled in and said, "You weren't kidding, it's really a mess in there--laundry and toys everywhere." I laughed and changed the subject. "So, John's at work huh? Matt's at Scout camp this week!" She pulled a chair up to the table and sat down. "Oh, so is that why you haven't been cleaning up? [very brief pause] Do you ever wear makeup?" Me: "Oh, sometimes, I mean I wear mascara. Not today though." Sharon: "Ohhhhh."
I think you had to be there, and you have to know Sharon and her earnestness to really picture the "ohhhhh"s, but it was really, really funny. And Sharon's reaction to the mess actually oddly made me feel better about my home and I being an absolute aesthetic disaster. I was having one of "those" days which almost always occur on Mondays. I hadn't been grocery shopping in over a week and we were once again eating omelets and waffles. I was drowning in magazine work and yet chose to spend the kids' nap time writing a blog post about Noah (way more fun).
I tried to explain to Sharon about how Mondays are always hard for me to keep up since I'm already behind from not keeping up on the weekend. Seriously, can a girl get a couple of days off? Are ya with me! Then again it's also Matt's time off from his work. Hence the war zone we're sometimes left with by the end of the weekend. I don't think she could quite relate. So instead she looked around my kitchen and made polite comments about what she could make out through the piles of dishes and food-soiled baby clothes: the plastic CD rack serving as a spice rack ("You have such nice modern things in here"); the magnetic strip securing a sinister-looking row of kitchen knives ("Oh, that's handy"); the ugly yet functional rug that catches the water that spills from the sink ("I've never seen such a long rug before. Would you look at that").
Her obvious sincerity made me smile. Then somehow we started talking about what makes us anxious (always a mood-lifter) and what makes us happy.
I think we have grown on each other. I feel that if I can bang on her front door in the middle of the night and she can not-so-subtly tell me to pull myself together and then we still sit and talk about the meaning of life over waffles, then she's the kind of neighbor I like to have.
13 comments:
I'm proud of you dear - taking the Sharons of the world in stride is what being Christlike is all about.
You are indeed your father's daughter - and that is a compliment of the highest order.
(Although I was hoping it was going to end that she pitched in and started washing dishes and folding laundry and putting away toys!! Now that would have been some story!!)
But the way it turned out was nice too.
Thanks, Mom. Funny you should mention the "alternate ending." She asked for ideas about taking one's mind off of loneliness or sadness. I told her that the common wisdom I always hear is to look for ways to help others. It's the kind of thing that Matt always tells me to do and I roll my eyes because sometimes you just want to wallow.
I asked her if she could think of anything she could do to help someone and she said, "I could help you! What do you need help with?" I said lightheartedly something like, "Well, look around, take your pick!" and she laughed and changed the subject. I'm pretty sure that one or both of my children was either screaming or throwing something at the time as well. I think my kids and I are one cure for loneliness. We help people realize, after a few minutes of fun, how much they appreciate the peace and quiet that comes with being alone.
I really need to tell the story of our adventure at the mall with Sharon last week. It involved both kids screaming their heads off in the car. Talk about taking in stride. Sharon is the one who takes us in stride.
I love this post for a lot of reasons. It is very Terrill like to make everyone feel at home. I haven't made a connection with any of the neighbors at my apartment but I really want to. Doesn't seem like anyone is interested though. Maybe I will try harder. I am glad you have someone to have adult conversation with when Matt is not home. That's probably nice and you probably mean a lot to her.
But hands down my favorite part of the post is "my hair looked like I had brushed it with a piece of duct tape".
Love it.
I was totally expecting her to start cleaning up too! But alas, things like that don't really happen. Strangers don't like to clean up your messes.
And I agree that this whole story strikes me as very "Terrill". Maybe it's because there were always so many people around even without any strangers, but I always felt very at home chez Terrill.
The long rug comment had me cracking up a little.
I love this story. What a neighbor! She reminds me of the girl we drove to school in 5-8th grades. She once looked at me with extreme concern and asked me if I had been in a car accident. I was about to get annoyed at how rude she could be, but decided to just allow her comment to possibly help me. I went into the bathroom and saw that my hair was so ridiculous that I couldnt help but laugh and wonder at all the other people who had kept quiet.
Not that Sharon was correctly identifying flaws re you and your home. I am certain that I would never like this lady to see me, and neither ofyou can enter my pigstye.
Eliza, you're one of those people who never needs make up because you naturally are pretty. And I think you were so nice to let her in, that's one of those things where sometimes I'd pretend like I just couldn't hear or we weren't there. And my house is always a mess on the weekends! I just can't get up the stuff it takes to clean on Saturday. Sometimes I end up cleaning on Sunday night to church music because I relax and think and I kind of don't feel badly about it, even though technically I should. I hate going to bed on Sunday night to a dirty house, most time. And I'm sorry that Matt's at scout camp for the whole week, you're a trooper. Craig and I have been discussing how many days (one or two) that he gets to go since it's the two days before I have the baby. I'm saying none, though. But seeing you let your husband go makes me think I should let mine go. Kind of, maybe, but still I don't want him to. Those are thoughts.
Oh, and when I'm tired and my house is messy and someone innocently made comments like that, it would get on my nerves SO much. You're very nice!
Susie, you are very nice. Thank you.
Also: to clarify. Matt was only at Scout camp until today. He left camp this morning and went straight to work. The Scoutmaster is there all week, and Matt (the 2nd counselor) and his adviser are each taking half a week.
I have nothing to complain about; Matt's adviser's wife is sick-pregnant with twins and if I were in that situation Matt would probably get an earful about leaving me alone! But alas, he makes his own choices anyway, and the kids do need to have leaders there after all. I think that also because Matt had such a good experience in Scouting as a kid he is glad to pass that along to kids today.
BTW. If there are enough adults to cover the kids at Craig's Scout camp I would say stay home! But of course that is coming from a wife's perspective, thinking about how hard those last days of pregnancy can be.
Sustaining my husband in his calling is something I always want to do, yet it is so hard sometimes. And he doesn't even have to do half the work that some people do. Everyone is busy. We are no busier than anyone else. Again, I have nothing to complain about.
I love neighbors! Especially mine, even with their quirks and rude comments.
What is most impressive is that you took her to the mall. I have yet to broach the "Driving somewhere together" part of our neighborship.
As for the cleaning-I have to admit, I would have started cleaning. It is so much easier for me to clean other people's homes than my own. I secretly love it:)
And I am proud of Matt for going to camp. That is where he should be.
I love this story so much. It is actually pretty typical of how I have met and become very close friends with so many different people who have truly enriched my life over the years. An odd start, some thready conversation. The dance of friendship is not always one you can plan, it often just happens along the way. I am missing those connections right now, my neighborhood is pretty much all like us. They are good people, don't get me wrong. But the unique ones, you know, with spark and interest in "how do things at work your house?" "Oh really?" "Tell me why you are so happy?" And best of all, it is so great to have a friend who does not pass judgement about anything. No matter what it looks like. They want to come to your house to take a break from her own very similar space. And just to be there with you, while your hair grows, or something.
Do you think you might be at the bread or cookie exchange stage by the holidays?
I would drive neighbors to the mall if it meant bread and cookies during the holidays.
And this story reminds me of Dad's story of the neighbor who said that Dad's name would always be safe in his house. I have to repeat that story in my head like a mantra every time I think negatively about someone.
Oh, I like that story from Dad.
Phoebe, want to come visit?
I have generally brought stuff to my neighbors during the holidays...except I don't think I did this past year. I didn't bring anything to anyone, I used the New Baby Excuse.
I don't think my neighbors have brought cookies at Christmas but I have gotten all sorts of goodies from them at other times of the year. Lots of baby gifts when my babies were born; one neighbor, Olga, who very sadly does not live next to us anymore, brought me a new outfit for Theo just about every week until they moved away.
One neighbor brought a bowl of some kind of noodly Korean dish once. (The same neighbor also got the police called on him and his whole situation was sketchy...but the food was fine.) And actually another neighbor brought me some kind of Korean packaged treat which Matt ate and said tasted like a Twinkie.
Just the other day Sharon told me she wanted to come over with a cake if I could provide the coffee. Which was funny obviously since I don't drink coffee...so she said she would bring that too.
My neighbors are pretty much awesome.
You could get her hooked on herb tea!!
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