Party in the City when the Heat Is On

I haven't watched the Oscars in quite a few years.

Not even last year, when I guessed 18 out of 24 categories correctly and therefore won 1 year's worth of movies (that's 2 tickets per week, plus $5 concessions per week which you know went to ice cream and Ruby River since Jordan Commons popcorn is Nas-Tee) at Larry Miller theaters from KSL Radio.

I was feverishly writing a paper that was due that night, so instead of watching I just kept refreshing oscar.com every few minutes to see what categories I won. And to check out everyone's sweet (or not so sweet) duds.

But I think I may partake this year, at least in the pre-show. (For the duds...duh.) Maybe some of the monologues (I do like Jon Stewart, mostly).

But probably not so much the awards. Awards...not so fun to watch. Plus I am so out of it with this year's nominees. Why is it that I was able to guess the winners last year, when I had hardly seen any movies in 2004, yet this year, 52 free movies later, I have absolutely no clue who's going to win what?

I guess that's what I get for spending a good chunk of my free movies to watch, for example, Diane Lane and John Cusack cavort in a lame romedy involving dogs and Elizabeth Perkins's Botoxed forehead--or Ashton Kutcher and Bernie Mac laugh it up in a lamer romedy that can't go near Sidney Poitier and my beloved Katharine Hepburn--or Jane Fonda and J-Lo make FOOLS of themselves in an even lamer romedy about...in-laws and...I think a stone-faced Michael Vartan was involved....I can't go on any longer.

Perhaps what I should have been doing is ditching the romedies and spending my duckets on rated-R-for-arty fare like Crash, Brokejake Heathton, Hustle and Flow, and so on and so forth. In the PG-Oscar arena, I did see Pride and Prejudice, which I LOVED, for all women love Mr. Darcy in all his incarnations (you'll get costume design, P&P) and Good Night, and Good Luck, which I tolerated (George Clooney, your movie-star politics BORE ME!) Yeah yeah, and I saw King Kong/Batman/epic epic epic...

Honestly, I saw so many stinking movies last year that I don't even remember the ones that I liked. (I did like Batman.) I know I must have seen some that I liked. But the bad ones just really stick out to me. A Lot like Vomit, I believe was the title of one particular lamedy, which even pretty people like Amanda Peet and the ever-present Ashton Kutcher could not salvage.

Ooh, I did like Roll Bounce.

Anyway, the point is I think you should give it a go.

If I can guess these things, anyone can.

I'm having a dilemma about whom to root for in categories like Best Actress...last year it was no sweat since I LOVED Hilary Swank, I mean she made me CRY, in Million Dollar Baby. But this year, although I didn't see Transamerica, I sort of want Felicity Huffman to take it home since I think she is incredible. Yet she did already get an Emmy, and I also love Reese Witherspoon with a love that will never die, despite the fact that "Baby baby baby baby" is one of the most annoying trailer lines I can think of.

I'm not having quite the same dilemma in, say, the Sound Mixing and Sound Editing categories...somebody please explain the difference to me. I'm pretty sure those were 2 of the 6 I missed last year.

I think they should have categories like "Best Hissing and Shooting Lasers out of Hands." Ian McPalpatine would be all OVER that one. That blue-eyed, cheekbones guy from Batman and Red Eye would be a shoo-in for "Best Scary Burlap Face."

This post is getting ever so long, and all I ever really wanted to say is that I hope this year we get to see more of this sort of thing:



I Swooned at Cate Blanchett's dress last year. I'm still swooning. It's what yellow and red and stunning blonde does to me. There were some other good ones too, like Kirsten Dunst. And Maggie Gyllengkfrhodhl. And Natalie Portman, my new FAVORITE pixie-cut girl since I got the March Vogue, who blithely insisted that she had picked out her dazzling Grecian number "the day before." Or maybe it was "this morning." One of those. You're so low-may, Nat.

Although Million-Dollar Hilary looked...well...navy. And I'm pretty sure Penelope Cruz was heading to a wedding reception and/or prom later. Salma Hayek had some major issues with the parted-in-the-middle bangs...

Check out Women's Fashion at oscar.com if you don't remember these looks of which I speak. I'd post more pics but I'm tired and it's more fun to look through the gallery.

Don't disappoint me this year, ladies. There's still time to pick out something good if you haven't already. Most of all I'm counting on YOU, Cate. Redeem The Year of the Horrible Movies with one single beautiful gown. You can totally do it.