To my everlasting gratitude, angels sometimes attended me. Here was something, that in my opinion came from heaven above, that helped me through that time.
I know that sounds so corny and only people like Mr. Rogers can get away with talking about things like this. If Mr. Rogers had a blog he would probably have written a post about asking for a hug when you want to throw a tantrum. Not to say that my ideas about raising kids are on par with his (I'm willing to bet that his kids never tried to gouge out each other's eyes...not that mine have...ahem) but you know what I mean. Anyway if you imagine a graph, a tantrum-hug quotient if you will, the number of tantrums went down and the number of hugs went up once we implemented Ask For A Hug. Cross my heart.
That is not to say that they don't have tantrums anymore. Boy Howdy, today Theo threw a doozy. Such a doozy that it made me say the words Boy Howdy. They still cry and get upset numerous times a day, and then ask for a hug, and sometimes ask for hugs out of the blue (which they didn't really do before) which interestingly sometimes uncovers a problem I might not have known was there. When they ask for a hug it's like a call to me to investigate or just try to be more attentive to the situation. Or sometimes it's a clever way for Ida to get out of bed no fewer than 16 times after bedtime, because who is going to refuse a hug from a sleepy-eyed 3-year-old in pink footie pajamas at 10 p.m.? Definitely not me.
Overall I really think the hug suggestion got through to them. And actually it helped me too. I have a bit of a temper myself and have been known to throw a few tantrums in my day. Boy Howdy have I. And I realized that the same thing works for me, maybe not always literally, but the idea of it does. The act of asking for a hug is like reciting a mantra, an incantation that delivers recognition of what I really want most of the time when my temper is flaring up: for someone to understand me and to tell me that it's OK to feel the way I am feeling.
Anyway. Thanks for visiting, neighbor. "It's such a good feeling to know you're alive...It's such a happy feeling...You're growing inside..."
Thursday, November 03, 2011
A while ago, mom-inspiration struck me with a definitive strike. You know how that happens...? Rarely...? Anyway my kids were kind of thrown off this summer what with the new person living in our house and our entire routine getting thrown out the window. They had a lot of tantrums. A lot. One day I told them that when they were upset or afraid or angry or sad, instead of throwing a tantrum they could ask for a hug.
I know that sounds so corny and only people like Mr. Rogers can get away with talking about things like this. If Mr. Rogers had a blog he would probably have written a post about asking for a hug when you want to throw a tantrum. Not to say that my ideas about raising kids are on par with his (I'm willing to bet that his kids never tried to gouge out each other's eyes...not that mine have...ahem) but you know what I mean. Anyway if you imagine a graph, a tantrum-hug quotient if you will, the number of tantrums went down and the number of hugs went up once we implemented Ask For A Hug. Cross my heart.
That is not to say that they don't have tantrums anymore. Boy Howdy, today Theo threw a doozy. Such a doozy that it made me say the words Boy Howdy. They still cry and get upset numerous times a day, and then ask for a hug, and sometimes ask for hugs out of the blue (which they didn't really do before) which interestingly sometimes uncovers a problem I might not have known was there. When they ask for a hug it's like a call to me to investigate or just try to be more attentive to the situation. Or sometimes it's a clever way for Ida to get out of bed no fewer than 16 times after bedtime, because who is going to refuse a hug from a sleepy-eyed 3-year-old in pink footie pajamas at 10 p.m.? Definitely not me.
Overall I really think the hug suggestion got through to them. And actually it helped me too. I have a bit of a temper myself and have been known to throw a few tantrums in my day. Boy Howdy have I. And I realized that the same thing works for me, maybe not always literally, but the idea of it does. The act of asking for a hug is like reciting a mantra, an incantation that delivers recognition of what I really want most of the time when my temper is flaring up: for someone to understand me and to tell me that it's OK to feel the way I am feeling.
Anyway. Thanks for visiting, neighbor. "It's such a good feeling to know you're alive...It's such a happy feeling...You're growing inside..."
Enjoy your reflections! Boy howdy I do!
ReplyDeleteYour wisdom, then and now, is on point. I wrote this suggestion down and plan to implement it right after school.
ReplyDelete