Almost there

Well hello again!

I was talking to my sister, who is due any day with her second baby. She was feeling that feeling that I personally had at the end of each of my pregnancies and I imagine that most pregnant women feel: anxious, curious, a bit overwhelmed. Easily led this way and that by whatever casual remark and/or doomsday prophecy that the doctor makes. (Darn those doctors.) When is this going to happen? What is going to happen? How is it going to be? Can I just get this baby in my arms already??

I was thinking about 2 years ago today when my mom had just arrived for Polly's birth. This was the first time she had come before a baby arrived. It was the day before my due date, and for whatever reason I was majorly anxious that the baby would somehow not arrive until my mom was scheduled to leave, which was a week or two later. I remember we all went to Theo's baseball game, and then my mom and I took Lars to his swimming lesson. We walked around the teacher's neighborhood during the lesson, then went home and took another walk, about 3 miles total. When we got home we found that the kids had been busy in our absence

I can't remember what anyone else did the rest of the day, but I know I painted the ceiling above Theo's bed as well as the basement stairway (I specifically remember I caught my mom taking a picture of me as I pregnantly painted the stairway and I said "Don't you dare post that on Instagram!" and she said "I wasn't going to post it!" uh-huh. sure) Anyway, as the day went on I got crankier and I worked more furiously. I mowed the lawn, weeded all the garden beds, and transplanted a bunch of hostas because my yard is hosta-land. Once it got dark and I had to come inside, I vacuumed every room and made cookies. Matt and my mom sat on the couch and chatted with each other and occasionally laughed at me... in a loving way of course. I ate some cookies.

I finally went to bed after midnight and woke up a few hours later in labor. I ate more cookies. I cried. I wondered if it would ever end. Some other stuff happened which I will spare you the details of. Polly arrived at 9 a.m.

Anyway, that last couple of weeks were hard, and I worried about everything, and then all of a sudden the baby was here and that part of my life was over. On to new challenges and new ways to worry and grow. I think that anxiety at the end is a normal and necessary part of pregnancy. Knowing that doesn't make it any easier at the time. But recognizing it later is helpful. It feels like a parable of sorts. Darkest before the dawn and all of that. And when the dawn comes it is usually right when you're thinking it never will.