Little boy -> not so little boy.

Been thinking a lot about my little guy these days. (Not that that's new. I'd say Matt and I think and talk about him easily twice as much as we do the other three. Sorry, other three; someday you'll understand, maybe.) I'm just realizing that I should have made a bunch of phone calls last year so that by this year he'd be off of certain waiting lists. It's sort of a roller-coaster sometimes and I think last year I was getting my bearings as a mom of 4 and it didn't seem like this point would come. Hello, 10 virgins parable! I was supposed to have enough oil--what happened! By the way I'm wondering how much longer I can really write about this kid on my blog because he's getting so old--almost ten. Wow.

Anyway, in some ways it's getting easier with him and in other ways it's getting harder.

I work pretty hard at my relationship with him and actually he works pretty hard too, and yet sometimes you might not guess that--about either of us. I was talking to his wonderful therapist a few days ago and she said that I am his safe place. Where he can let out all of his uncertainty and disappointment and fear and anger that he doesn't know how to express as he navigates his world which is changing SO fast. Third to fourth grade is a big transition especially and he's scrambling to keep up. And so he attempts to transfer those emotions to me, using fists or insults or the occasional F word. (yep) And--I can handle that. I need to remember that. I am his safe place and I want to be his safe place. Inch by inch also helping him get to the point where retreating to his safe place means more acceptable, less violent forms of letting go.