Thanks for visiting teaching.

Mormon topic!

I've been thinking about visiting teaching. (Which is: https://www.lds.org/callings/relief-society/visiting-teaching-training/purpose-is-to-minister?lang=eng)  

I recently read this post and comments, which were very interesting to me: http://bycommonconsent.com/2010/05/25/opting-out-of-visiting-teaching/

Here's my take on visiting teaching. I like what many expressed in the comments, which is that it is an assigned friendship, so why pretend otherwise, or why force it? At first, at least. I'll certainly be friendly. I may or may not become lifelong friends with the sisters I visit, I'm totally open to that but I don't expect it or feel the need to force it on either end.

From the time I first meet the sisters I'm assigned to visit, I tell them that I want visiting teaching to be about them and what they need. Some have been open to that and have gradually (or sometimes immediately) become comfortable telling me what I can do specifically to help them. I like to have a specific task to do while we visit, if they want me to. Raking leaves, folding laundry, that kind of thing. Whatever it is, it eliminates potential awkwardness. Currently two of the sisters I visit are all about that and I really appreciate it, because it takes the guesswork out of what they "need," at least minimally. I feel less like I'm imposing on their time. There may or may not be other bigger needs but they might be more likely to tell me about them if I have helped with smaller needs.

I like to keep home visits to 30 minutes but sometimes they stretch longer. (I'm bad at ending conversations.) I'm happy to visit every month, or meet somewhere to chat, but I also like to encourage the option just to have an email or phone call or chat in the hall at church or in the grocery store, or drop off some dinner, if that's what they want to do, occasionally or every time. I like to spend at least some time with them in their home so that I can get to know their situation and figure out if they have any big needs.

At different times in life I have been better or worse at it. My attitude is not always good. But mostly I think it is.

By the same token I have had better and worse visiting teachers. It might sound shocking for me to say that, because what's a "bad" visiting teacher really. Some women assigned to visit me who rarely actually visited me have still been good visiting teachers in my opinion because I knew I could call them if I needed anything, and sometimes I did. And they showed up to help. Others who never visited I didn't feel comfortable calling--sometimes I hadn't even met them--so I didn't call. But that doesn't make them bad either. Whoever they were, I assumed they were feeling overwhelmed in their own lives. Fortunately I've never felt stranded; there's always someone to call.

My approach to being visit taught is similar to my approach on the other end. I never clean up the house or get dressed up specifically for the visiting teachers, if that's going to be an extra burden on me or make me resent the visit. It depends on the day. 

I can remember one pair showing up one day for an appointment and my house was a complete mess, my kids were running around wreaking havoc and I was still in my pjs. They looked totally shocked (these were moms themselves, but of older kids) and they seemed a little concerned. I explained that I was fine, just the normal amount of tired for a mom with a baby (I can't remember if it was Lars or Ida who was a baby at that time) and that I hoped they weren't offended that everything wasn't cleaned up for their visit. Maybe they really were worried. I don't ever expect a mom with a baby to have everything together at home, even on the surface.

I don't think a visiting teacher has to be this amazing friend who goes above and beyond and knows everything about me. Sometimes I confide in them, sometimes I don't. Sometimes the people I visit teach confide in me, sometimes they don't. Many times I have been blessed with visiting teachers who showed up or called when I needed them, with or without me calling them first. There have been those who willingly watched my kids or brought me meals, often without being asked, and many who remained my friends after they weren't assigned to me anymore. I have lost count of the visiting teachers I've had in the 8 years in this ward. Easily 20 different people minimum. But most of them, I remember.

Anyway, it's not a perfect program and I am not perfect at it. But it is important to me. I take pride in my participation in it and I learn from it and I have been blessed many times by it. If you're reading this and have been my visiting teacher (that's quite possible actually)--thank you.