My bizness, my biznass.

The past two weeks have been busy!

I don't mean that as a complaint. I drop into bed at night exhausted and that is a good feeling. I'm not busier than anyone else, but a lot of new things have happened lately and we are all adjusting to new routines. In other good news, since it's almost April I am unofficially 7 months pregnant. So glad I no longer have to tell people I have 3 months left. My monthly list of "nesting goals" is kind of out the window, but that's not surprising. We have gotten a few things done.

I have in fact tried to stay busy to fight off the blues because the lazy approach was not cutting it. You've heard of the post-partum blues; well for the first time, I have been experiencing the pre-partum blues. I didn't even know that was a thing, but it is. Helps explain pretty much everything, particularly the teariness which was starting to get ridiculous. Please don't be weirded out if you see me in the grocery store and I suddenly start crying because Edy's rocky road is 2 for $5.

Mood swings, anxiety, contractions, sleepless nights--after a few months of this kind of stuff it finally dawned on Matt and me that there might be a problem. I became worried that if I didn't somehow fix this immediately then I would be dealing with post-partum blues in a major way. Obviously time will tell about that but I feel optimistic. Luckily I have a lot of resources to deal with it, including my doctor and doula. Staying busy and active and connected with people, while also making sure to rest a little each day, is a big component of that too. I feel overwhelmed, but not alone. We see friends and neighbors regularly. Rocky road ice cream and Scrubs reruns are also quite helpful.

I also occasionally have really, really good days, like the kind where if you saw me you might wonder what drug I was on. "Roller-coaster" (pirate ride, anyone?) is pretty much the perfect way to describe me right now.

Fortunately my kids have been amazing. I mean, it's not like they're wiping their own bums or fixing dinner or anything, but they have really been great. They play together as beautifully as you could expect from kids their age. They fight almost as much as they laugh, but lately for my own sanity I have adopted the policy of letting them duke it out themselves as long as no one is crying or hitting, and the majority of the time they work it out on their own. Also, they are super snuggly, especially Ida, which is pretty much always exactly what I need, and apparently what we all need. Theo's latest thing is that he learned about the baby's kicks and he LOVES it. The look of joy on Theo's face the first time he felt this baby kick is going into the archives of Best Motherhood Moments Ever.

I have ups and downs all day, and when I collapse into bed at night I am exhausted and sometimes overwhelmed. But I feel that way whether I spent the day on the couch or running around taking care of bizness. So ultimately after a busy day, I am also happy. That could have a little bit to do with the irreplaceable guy collapsing next to me. Or a lot. I think most guys, including Matt, don't have any idea what they're in for when they get married but Matt is totally up to the challenge.

Finally, I was thinking lately of a couple of quotes I have posted before on this blog. Keats said that "Beauty is truth, truth beauty." A few beautiful truths have been helping me immensely.

"Don't confuse giving yourself 100 percent with losing yourself. . . . Don't think for a minute that you're circling in a holding pattern and that one day, when the children are older, you'll land and get on with your life. This is life." - Gail Blanke

"I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work the more I live." - George Bernard Shaw

"In general you noble sisters are doing a much better job of holding it all together and making it work than you realize. May I suggest that you take your challenges one day at a time. Do the best you can. Look at everything through the lens of eternity. If you will do this, life will take on a different perspective." - James E. Faust

"I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly." - John 10:10

Spring is still here.