A parallel...if you will.

Five years ago I ran my first and only half marathon. 13.1 miles, that's the farthest I've run at one time. Actually I walked several times throughout and almost the entire 13th mile so I can't even say I ran the whole thing. After I staggered past the finish line I gratefully accepted some water, greeted my family who had all finished long before me, then dry-heaved for about 5 minutes in some bushes. I spent the rest of the day lying down whenever possible.

Running long distances: not really for me. At least, I haven't found the right combination of motivation, desire, and ability. (And I did train for that race...at least I think I did.) I have rarely experienced a runner's high and I definitely didn't in that race. Since then I have never run faster than a 9:00 mile. Usually more like 12:00. So I would rather not completely torture myself in a marathon basically just to say I had.

I have been at the finish line of lots of races, mostly my dad's marathons. That is an electric experience. My dad, who is 66, decided in his late 50s to start running marathons and hasn't stopped. I just can't identify with that kind of drive, but I get excited for my dad every time he completes one, especially when he beats his own PRs and feels great afterward. Anyone who crosses a marathon finish line has put in some serious work and is likely pretty proud of himself or herself.

I think many of my fellow spectators feel the same way I do: I think I'll just do my own thing and not lose my toenails or my lunch, but hey man, keep it up if that's what gets you out of bed in the morning. And I think that while runners are pretty excited about their own accomplishments, most of them don't look down on the spectators who are not interested in crossing that particular line. Although a few probably do.

I find a parallel here:

OK, so when I saw this I totally laughed out loud. Because, first of all the Onion is generally pretty funny and secondly there is a contingent of moms out there who are quite vocal--sometimes even superior--about their crunchiness and I know that can grate. I personally don't mind if granola types get vocal because it doesn't affect me, and I even admire them for their convictions because I have my own convictions too, some (not all) of which are lumped in with theirs.

Besides, I'm cool with my vaccinations and plastic toys and red dye #40. I don't think that natural birth, any more than shopping at Whole Foods versus Shoppers or co-sleeping versus using a crib, makes a person morally or otherwise superior to someone who uses an epidural or has a C-section. But, having tried the natural, the epidural, and the C-section, all of which involved pain, I preferred one experience to the others.

Despite my almost nonexistent race record, I kind of feel a little bit of empathy for the runner who keeps on doing something that others think is crazy. The main difference being that there aren't many people heckling runners or accusing them of feeling morally superior for their choices.

But childbirth and motherhood are so charged with other emotions, I think that's why people can get up in arms about it, sometimes to the point of unveiled scorn for women who have--or want to have--their babies with midwives at home or otherwise without drugs. When I was pregnant with Theo and told my OB I wanted to try natural childbirth he responded, "There's no need to be a hero." I wish I had asked him, "Why do you care about my reasons or if I want to be a hero or not?" He also told me after my C-section that "vaginal births are overrated" and it didn't occur to me at the time that the veracity of that statement was biologically unverifiable coming from a man. (or even from a woman who hadn't tried both C-section and vaginal, if it's a matter of comparing the two.)

The partner OB's response to me was, "When you come begging for an epidural I'm going to say I told you so." And after I got my epidural...well...she made good on that. Ouch.

I sometimes sense a similarly contemptuous attitude from faceless moms online. I hope if they knew me in real life they wouldn't lump me into the Thinks She's Morally Superior category. Well I guess if they did there's nothing I could do about it and it doesn't especially affect me other than casting a general pall on public opinion of natural childbirth and homebirth, which I find unfortunate.

So to my point: the only thing that I and my 12:00 splits really do have in common with a runner is that although I am happy with my personal approaches both to birth and to running, I know that neither approach makes me better or worse than anyone else. The motivation for anyone to continue through a (needlessly? pointlessly?) painful journey may include a feeling of victory, of checking off items on a list, who knows, maybe even a hint of superiority. But I think that most keep going back for more mainly because in a weird way, despite the pain, it also somehow feels good, not so much to say to others, "I have done it" but, in fact, to do it. And that has nothing to do with anyone else.